If you’ve ever wondered how to fall in love with your partner again this article is for you.
Love can be recovered; however, you need to believe that you and your partner can recover what you once had.
If you believe that it’s a lost cause, that’s exactly what it is. It’s hard work and it requires commitment from both partners.
The rewards will last a life time and with your new knowledge, you will not slip back to where you are now.
How To Fall In Love With Your Partner Again:
Effective communication is a skill that anybody can learn. Good communication in a marriage involves the couple speaking openly, freely and warmly.
It means there are no hidden meanings and the couple do understand each other. They don’t use words to inflict hurt on the other person.
Below are some tips for good communication in a marriage:
Listen with all your attention when your partner is speaking.
Try to wear their shoes and see why they might be looking at an issue in that way. When you seek to see things from another’s point of view, it enhances your understanding.
Desist from name calling, yelling and other negative forms of communication.
Remember that they do not resolve anything; they actually destroy your relationship. To help you with this, keep the goal of the discussion in mind. The goal is to strengthen your relationship.
Don’t bring up the past in an effort to prove to your partner how right you are.
The past should remain in the past and should not feature in current discussions.
Be honest with your partner.
That’s the only way to avoid a similar problem. Let them know in a calm and honest way, why you’re unhappy or angry, and working towards resolving this.
Pay attention to you and your partner’s nonverbal signs.
- Crossing arms may be a sign of feeling defensive and under attack
- A loud tone may indicate escalating emotions
- lack of eye contact may indicate a discomfort with the topic under discussion, boredom or the person is distracted
- You or partner have turned your bodies away from each other, may signify emotional unavailability.
Don’t confront you partner when your feelings are raw.
Give yourself time, like a day to cool off. That way, when you do talk about it, you can do so in a calm and mature way.
Use polite language, like please and thank you.
No one likes or enjoys to be disrespected. When partners are polite and respectfully towards one another, it improves the quality of their communication.
2. Give each other personal/individual space
It’s completely healthy for you or your partner to want time away from each other. Time to:
- Be with friends
- Be with family
- Pursue hobbies
- Alone time to think and relax
- Recharge and reconnect with who you are
Taking time for yourself means that even if you’re a couple, you recognize that you are individuals first and you need to maintain your individual identity.
Here are a few reasons why taking time for yourself is crucial for staying in love with your partner.
Love is exhausting.
Taking time away lets you relax and not think about the needs of another person. It is away to regain your emotional balance and let go off your emotional exhaustion.
Taking time away removes the pressure from both partners, the necessity of being each other’s sole source of emotional and social support network.
It gives everyone a chance to nurture other important relationships like family and friends.
It keeps the relationship fresh.
When you are away from your partner for some hours, or even all day, when you see them, you feel excitement and you see them afresh. You have loads to talk about, which is a way of knowing each other more.
You’re two different people with different likes and dislikes.
That means that when you give each other personal space, you give each other an opportunity to pursue your different hobbies and interests.
For example, your partner loves football and rarely misses opportunities to go to stadiums.
Rather than complain and nag, why not enroll in classes for something that you’ve always wanted to learn.
Time away from each other enhances trust between couples.
You come to realize that your partner would not do anything to hurt you or to jeopardize the marriage. Your partner too realizes that time away from them is a chance for you to socialize and also spend some time alone.
It stops couples from feeling suffocated.
When married people spend too much together, one person may start to feel suffocated and even trapped in the marriage.
It feels more like a prison rather than a union that you should commit to, yet still retain a measure of freedom.
3. Strive for a solid foundation
There are several principles that ensure a solid marriage and a marriage where the couple remains in love with each other.
If at the very beginning these principles were not present, it’s not too late to incorporate them into your relationship.
Commitment to your spouse and marriage.
This keeps love burning because; both spouses have the security of knowing that they are in the marriage for the long term.
Patience towards your partner.
There will be daily irritations, but with patience, they shrink to nothing and they don’t interfere with your feelings for your partner.
Acceptance of who your partner is, not who you’d like them to be.
Remember that no one is perfect, and you too have your faults. Close your eyes to your partner’s faults and concentrate on their positive characteristics and the unique things that make them who they are.
Show appreciation for what your partner does for you and the family.
Let them know that you don’t take them for granted.
Establish patterns of behavior that will be with you always in your marriage
Apologizing when you err and accepting your partner’s apology.
4. Strive to meet your partner’s needs
One of the reasons why couples fall out of love with each other is that, their needs are not being met by their partner.
It is also important for both partners to express their needs to each other because people are not mind readers. No matter how close you are with your partner, they have no way of knowing what you need from them, unless you tell them.
Talk to each other in a calm rather than accusing way, and let each other know what needs you feel are not being met.
Emotional needs that may need to be met include:
- Sexual fulfillment
- Conversation needs
- Physical affection
- Recreational companionship
- Physical admiration
5. Handle hardships together
Every marriage goes through hardships and to ensure that these hardships do not break the bond you share, here are a few tips.
Accept hard times for what they are and know that they will end.
Your attitude dictates how your marriage will endure the difficult times.
If you feel defeated and low all the time, your marriage will suffer and the love you share will be
All experiences can help you and your partner grow.
When you get through the hard times, you will realize that you’ve become stronger as an individual and as a couple. You’ll feel confident in the knowledge that you can weather any storm.
Whatever hardships you’re going through in your marriage, look for things to be grateful for.
Have a grateful heart (1) and this will give you the grace you need to work through your difficulties.
Everybody carries their own struggles.
Remind yourself that you are not alone and that you and your partner will get through whatever situation you’re facing.
6. Resolving conflict
The first step towards resolving conflict in a marriage is accepting that you are two individuals and conflict is bound to occur. How you deal with the conflict is what determines how much your love for each other grows.
Some tips for resolving conflicts include:
Be ready to admit when you’re in the wrong.
You may not see it right away, however as you discuss the issue with your spouse, you may start to see why they are upset.
Conflict arises as a result of people not understanding each other and both parties are likely to be on the wrong.
If you feel very upset with your spouse, consider leaving the issue alone for a day or two.
You’ll be surprised at the insights you get from giving yourself time to think. In addition to that, you’ll find that you don’t feel as angry as you did on the day.
When you do sit down with your spouse to discuss the issue, your emotions will not run so high.
However wrong your partner is, remember that nobody is perfect.
When you talk about it, be willing to forgive your spouse and move on. The people who hurt us the most are the one’s closest to our hearts.
Get to the real problem and articulate it. General accusations will get you nowhere. If you feel hurt that your partner does not help around the house, say so.
Talk about ways in which your partner can help you. Stick to the issue at hand and seek to resolve it.
Compromise is essential in solving conflicts in marriages.
You can’t get your way all the time and neither can your spouse. So you must have a middle ground, where everybody feels that their needs or issues have been addressed.
Never hit below the belt.
Nobody knows your partner as well as you do and the opposite is true. That unique position means that you’re privy to information that could potentially hurt his/her feelings if you uttered it in anger.
However tempting it is, refrain from saying things with the sole intention of hurting your partner.
Avoid using labels to describe your partner.
They are hurtful and they resolve nothing. Rather than call your partner ‘boring’, or ‘depressing’, ask them in a nice way if they’re OK and if so what you can do to help.
Keep your fights private.
If you have children, choose a time when they are not there to fight and resolve your conflict. You should also refrain from talking about your issues with other people unless the purpose is to seek a solution.
Don’t hang your dirty laundry in public, by shouting and yelling at each other, until all your neighbors know your issues.
Treat your marriage and partner with respect by protecting your privacy.
Face each other and participate in the discussion.
Avoidance tactics like walking out and slamming the door or shouting an insult then leaving are not helpful. In fact they can be described as immature.
So sit down like adults and talk about the issues without unnecessary theatrics.
7. Take care of yourself
Exercise and eat right. Your self-esteem is affected by your body image or how you think you look when you’re in front of a mirror.
Your partner may or may not notice that you’ve let yourself go, but you feel it and you know it. This will affect how you relate with your spouse, because you feel unattractive and your self-esteem is at its lowest.
To avoid this, take the steps outlined below to take care of yourself.
The benefits of exercising are numerous and include:
- Increased libido
- increased self confidence
- Prevents excessive weight gain
- Minimizes the risk of diseases
- Energizes you
- It improves your mood, leaving you feeling relaxed and happy
Good grooming lifts your mood, self-image and self-confidence.
Exercise good personal hygiene everyday by brushing your teeth and taking a bath/shower. Nobody wants to cuddle up to a dirty or smelly person.
Good posture adds up to your overall attractiveness.
Walk with the confidence of knowing that you’re special and attractive. Slumping your shoulders gives the impression that you don’t care about yourself and that you are not enthusiastic about life, which is not the case.
Irrespective of how long you and your partner have been married, dress well.
Steer clear of torn and discolored t-shirts. They’re unflattering and can make your partner question what they ever saw in you.
In the ideal world, people should be attractive to the person you are, but in reality, we are drawn to the packaging, which is the physical.
So package yourself well.
8. Sexual intimacy
Without sexual intimacy, a marriage becomes two best friends living together. Marriage should be much more than that.
Human beings have an inherent need to be intimate with the one they love. One of the casualties of a failing marriage is reduced sexual intimacy.
Sometimes it’s the other way round, where lack of sexual intimacy causes a couple to fall out of love with each other.
To help you develop deeper intimacy with your partner, here are a few tips:
Understand and accept that men and women view sexual intimacy in very different ways.
For starters, men are visual and just looking at an attractive woman, pictures etc., is enough for him to get aroused. Women on the other hand, get aroused by emotional connections.
In other words, for women, foreplay is crucial, while for men, it’s not necessary. Meet your partner’s needs (2) by ensuring you’re both ready for sex.
If you or your partner has a higher libido than the other, you must both compromise.
It’s true that there are people who desire sexual intimacy every day, which may not work for the partner, whose libido is not so high. Talk about it and agree on a reasonable number, where nobody feels denied or overwhelmed.
Be generous and giving towards each other.
This means that rather than focusing on your satisfaction, focus on satisfying your partner and everything else, including your own satisfaction will fall into place.
9. Growing together as a couple
For a couple to remain in love throughout their marriage, they must grow together as a couple. People change over time, and the biggest fear you may have is that you and your partner have grown apart.
To grow together as a couple, you must:
- Look for ways to connect everyday e.g. exercising together by going for a walk or a jog.
- Reading together or talking about books that you’ve each read that week.
- Have a moment at the end of the day when you can sit and talk with your spouse without the constant interruption of children and other distractions.
- Share at least one meal a day with your spouse.
- Talk about your interests and your partners interests. These interests and hobbies change over the years and it’s important to keep tabs on each other’s lives.
- Consider different activities you can do together as a couple and have fun doing it.
- Make sure you know your spouse’s goals and ambitions and be their biggest fan and supporter.
10. Remember that you’re not just parents
All parents know just how much children take over every space and time in your life. It reaches a point where you can’t even remember who you were before children, let alone as a couple.
You have to make a conscious decision to be a couple once in a while, not just parents. How can you balance these two roles of being a parent as well as a spouse?
Keep it simple when planning time alone. Look for unexpected opportunities that may crop up in the course of the day or evening.
If you find yourselves alone in the kitchen, take this opportunity to cuddle or kiss, or anything that connects both of you.
Sometimes it may be necessary to schedule time alone, especially when you have small children. Organize for a baby sitter/nanny once in a while and use that time to connect with your spouse.
Use words to reaffirm your love for one another. You may be swamped by parenting duties, but remember to let your spouse know how special they are.
Thank you for reading this article about how to fall in love with your partner again and I really hope that you take action my advice.
I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.