If you’ve ever wondered: how to have good family life, this article is for you.
Sometimes I think of people who are blessed with everything: money, disposition, status, property, career, education, health-everything yet they feel a void in themselves.
They are not happy, they are not satisfied, and they are not contented and feel like being deprived for no reason.
I always wondered about it and bumped into my answer one day. I met John. He was a great painter from Australia with lots of money and a shinning career.
John had a splendid mansion nearby the sea shore and everything else that a normal person like I could only dream of.
My initial perception about him was that he would be in great spirits, enjoying life all the time as he could buy anything. I met him one day. He was more like depressed and annoyed.
It was unusual for me as I always had seen him happy and smiling. My curiosity compelled me to inquire him at last.
“Why so worried?”
“Can I help you in anyways? May I know what happened?”
John said, “Can I count on you?”
“Yes, of course”
“I have everything-yet nothing. I am lacking the crux of relations-a family, dear”
I marked that day as it was the first-ever time I learnt about the importance of a family.
I never knew its worth before and I was so wrong and may be that was the reason my own relationships have been in ruins (as I devalued them all).
My Family, My Shell
After interacting with John, I learnt the secret to happiness. He was disappointed because he did not have a family but why was I disappointed?
I had a family, I had a relation, I had a home. I had heard about the phenomenon of being home sick or home coming but never felt it the way I was feeling at that time.
It was a new sort of revelation.
I helped John find his family afterwards and begin figuring out the issues with my family as well.
My family was never my shell, it was never my first priority before, and it was never my first footing before. You can think about how devastated would my condition be at that time.
However, I learnt three main rules from it.
1. Giving first priority to your family
The first and foremost mistake with all of us is not giving priority of our families.
Although, we say it orally that we stick to our families, love and care about them, yet at the hour of need start prioritizing other things over our families.
For instance, I am offered a job that demands me to stay away from my family for a long time. Being a professional, I may say yes to it but would try to compensate that time in some other way.
2. Becoming tortoiseshell for your family
Have you ever noticed a tortoise sensing danger? Which thing he counts on?
It’s shell, right.
Be like a tortoiseshell for your family so that they could count on you while in case of need.
Second rule that applies here is becoming a protection wall to your family just like a tortoiseshell.
The more you protect your family in any ways, the more your bond will strengthen with them.
Remember this protection covers everything from physical guard to spiritual one.
3. Own it
Take the example of a perfect family who give priority to each other and do work like a tortoiseshell but lack ownership. Do you think such family can spend a better life?
No, as it is an essential rule to own your family in any case. It does not matter how weird your spouse, children or parents are. No matter how disastrous they may be, they are your own and no one else can take their place.
Finding the Magic
John and I had the same story in this regard. He had no family at all; while I had a family but I never owned them.
Before meeting him, my opinion and preferences were to make material successes, achieve a higher social status, earn tons of money to seeking happiness.
After meeting him, I found out that the magic to real happiness does not need it at all.
My worries, dissatisfactions, issues and all problems were revolving around one thing i.e. not having a strong family relationship as major goal of mine had been to make money at any cost.
For me, bringing money to the family could get us happiness but it was not true.
So, what to do?
Leave your family and start living alone like John?
Push them to like and prefer money like me?
Ignore and neglect them all?
No, this is just not recommended. It is because the first point makes you lonely, the second, lusty; while the third ends you up into a disastrous, selfish being.
Therefore, none of these are well-recognized and recommended for you since the real magic lies in strengthening the bonds, finding the real magic and gripping the actual secret to spending a better family life.
Many times I saw people trying to find out big words, philosophies, theories etc to know about spending a great family life.
Do you also expect same thing in life?
Well, it is not so as sometimes biggest secrets to spending life lie in the smallest of things.
There is not philosophy involved in spending a better family life. There are just trivial things that make a big difference. Funnily, I did not know it.
I used to search for hi-fi books, read philosophical thoughts to dig out these meanings while practically, and I was zero. I had never tried up small things to make my family life a super hit.
Please do not repeat the mistake I did.
Now let us explore things that make it possible for us to make a good family member for spending a better life.
How To Have Good Family Life
Okay, this is your turn. Tell me in your opinion, is the heading worth it? I mean is it the right title in your opinion?
No, it is not. It should have been “Working on Becoming a Good Family Member” but the reason to write it was the grabbing the general perception of my beloved readers.
So, the point here to make is as human beings we are very much in the habit of taking instead of giving. Our family demands giving, not taking.
Therefore, instead of trying to make a good family we should all try to become a good family member, ourselves.
Okay, now tell me what would you do to work on making a good family? How to strengthen family relationships? How to improve them?
It is interesting to notice here that being a keen researcher; I asked a lot of people and got quite interesting answers such as bringing those great gifts, celebrating birthdays, being friendly with every one etc. there are many small things that we could do for becoming a good family but the best thing would be working on yourself, doing small things for proving that you are an amazing member of your family no matter senior, junior, young or small.
Do the best to your capacity so that everyone else would start owing you. Expect less and give more is the real key to success in maintaining a great family bond.
Do you need a surprise party?
Suppose there is a couple in madly love with each other but dependent upon some special event or day like valentine or a birthday to celebrate and spend time with each other. Do they really need it when they are a family?
We always keep waiting for one special event to spend with our loved ones and what if that day never comes? For family, every day is a special day, every moment is worth-capturing.
So, do not wait for a special day, make each day very special while being with your family members. This makes life worth-living.
In the end, my sincere suggestion for you is, “Do the Party Now”.
Let us test some small tips and tricks to maintaining a good family life.
Respect everyone (1), big or small. Psychology has proven that smaller kids feel more like being treated respectfully.
And it is a fact.
It is the topmost trick of spending a better family life. Think of the times of clash with your spouse, parents or children. Where do they begin from?
Yes, all of them begin from not showing respect to the other person. According to experts, half clashes can diminish away if both parties start showing respect of their opposites.
So, remember to respect your family in all regards: their opinion, their views, and their points no matter what because clashes begin from here.
Suppose, you are three siblings in a family, two amongst you are brilliant; while one is just below average.
The two brilliant siblings are making lots of money, lots of friends and have a great fortune.
The below average sibling, however, is poor, without any penny and has no fortune. He has a bad nature as well.
Now tell me what you two would decide about him? Throw him out of your house? Slap him on the face? Make him feel like an alien in the entire house?
Well, unfortunately, it happens in this world because we lack compromise. We expect others to compromise for us only and so problems start.
3. Love & Care
All of us believe in love. Do not we? But the irony is we keep finding it from outside our haven.
We go to place from place in our research, we long it every day and night but do not understand that nature has bestowed with the gift already. Your family is indeed your first and last love and loving it can only make life worth-spending.
It is said that sharing is caring, right? Well, many of us say that yes, we do share things with our family. True.
However, the point I want to make here is sharing everything from the tiniest of joy to the biggest sorrow. It is because joys get multiplied and sorrow fades away after being shared.
Sometimes we feel like why to tell others about what we feel or not. It is not the case while being together in a family.
I was of the same view then gradually, I begin sharing small things with my family members and felt relieved and strengthen.
5. Helping Each Other
Okay, let me show you two families: in family number one, there is a woman working alone in a kitchen during snowfall while all others are sitting in their warm and cozy blankets, all silently doing what they like.
A small kid is trying to play with toys, a girl doing homework alone, a young boy messing up with his tools and a senior citizen coughing alone in his room.
Whereas in family two, there is a heavy snowfall and all the members of a family are sitting together: singing, working and helping each other.
Which situation appeals you more? Yes, definitely the family two.
6. Plan Together
Most people may disagree with me here and say how come we plan together with kids?
Well, I still do not agree as according to psychological researches, children are the better planners. They own us more and feel more about our concerns so their planning is always worth-considering (although amendments could be done).
Plan even the slightest thing makes your family feel great.
Do try it and just do not forget to involve those members who have clashes with you since planning together helps in removing all differences.
Some ideas of planning together could be planning a trip, a lunch/dinner or a simple eat out, a surprise party, planting a tree, cook chicken, sun bath on roof, race, gaming competition, window shopping, design an outfit and many more.
7. Be Available
You know the most sickening trend of these days is the presence of all members together on the same table, yet not actually present.
This is a trauma of the modern times in fact when family members have become totally talk to each other even being together, thanks to technology and the modern gadgets.
We all get so indulged in using smartphones, tablets, and laptops that even our availability makes no difference at our house. Do not do it if you really want to spend a better family life.
8. Ignoring Blunders
Being humans, we all do mistakes and blunders. We all have fallacies, we all do miscalculations. So being a great family member, ignoring mistakes and fallacies is very important if you want to be ignored for your mistakes too.
9. Share sad and happy moments together
Being a family person, there comes moments when you really feel like depressed or excited. Who with you share these things with?
Yes, of course, your family members. It strengthens relationships.
10. Trust Each Other
It is very ironical to notice that people, especially youngsters preferring to trust non-family persons instead of their own family.
Why does this happen?
It is because we do not give them space to start trusting us. We expect others to trust us but never understand that it is a two way process and lies at the base of all relationships.
Why do we see relationships breaking away?
Only because we stop trusting each other at first and then gradually, other issues start occurring. Do not do that, try trusting your spouse, kid or any other member you are living with.
11. Resolve Problems
Always remember that problem creating is easier than solving. There are only two kinds of people in this world: one who is more into creating problems and others who resolve them. So which category do you lie in?
This applies in family life as well as in all families; there are people/person who would love creating troubles for others and those who would resolve them.
12. Cuddle Often
You may think how childish is this topic is. Behold! It is not.
I also do not understand why people associate cuddling with only kids or spouses? Why not with all family members?
Try this out as it has a magic inside. It creates over-whelming feelings of being associated together. Now the question arises, when to cuddle?
And this question gives rises to another question which is: do you really need a time or moment to cuddle your fellow? No, it does not.
13. Exchange Stories
Exchanging stories is although a very small thing but work wonders in a family set up. One may wonder where to get stories every day?
It is not so, because all you have to do is to exchange anything: any incident, occurrence, affair, episode or event. My relationship was improved through it (so, success guaranteed).
It is a great technique to bring people near and improve relations.
14. Decorate your Haven
Have you ever noticed what sticks a family together? A place, right and what if that haven is no more? They would be segregated, right?
So, why not to take care of that place, decorate it, refurbish, restyle it from time to time. It would not only improve its condition but also enhance your relations with all members of your family.
15. Fill in the Communication Gaps
Being a sociology student, I read about family matters in depth and figured out that major problems in the family occur due to lack of communication (rather right communication) between the members.
Never allow any communication gap (2) ruin your family life. And the solution is talk, talk and talk.
Talk your family into all matters and be open to them. They are yours so there should be no formalities or rituals involved between family members.
16. Develop Understanding (Read Emotions)
Try developing understanding with your family members because it is the only thing that can save you from all types of issues and hence, is one of the core items in my bag our tricks.
17. Show Others that you are united
Showing is never bad, you know. Sometimes it saves you from any problems esp. there is never any need to show negative feelings or things to others as it leaves a bad impact to them.
People perceive it as if your family is not united or you have more clashes than love which is never true.
Solution is simple. There is never any need for showing that you have a clash or disagreement with any of your family member. Since, family comes first and nothing can compensate it.
18. Say No to Discrimination
When I was a child, my parents used to prefer my younger daughter over me. I never liked it but used to get over it by consistently telling me that it is just alright and nothing matters.
However, deep down I developed feelings of jealously for her. I used to think that she was better than me that am why my parents liked her more than I. I was never satisfied by then.
Do not do it with any of your member, if you really want to be called a “happy family” in the true sense of the word.
19. Use nice names for each other
Okay, I give you two choices for your nick; tell me what would you like to be called? Dumb Head or Daisy?
You would definitely be choosing “Daisy”, right. It is because human beings are like that. They want to be called by taking nice names instead of bad ones.
So, encourage choosing lovely nicks for your loved ones to make them feel really good about you.
Accepting a new entry in your family is very difficult. I can understand it.
When my brother married a foreigner girl, I went into depression for so long. We were far different from each other but we become a family.
I could reject her as my brother’s wife.
What difference would it make; after all, she was not my wife.
But for the happiness of my brother, we accepted her as a family member and today we are a happy family, we live together, share everything together and mix up together and people take us as real sisters.
Thank you for reading this article about how to have good family life and I really hope that you take action my advice.
I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.