In this new article you’ll learn why do couples fall out of love.
Falling in love is a magical experience.
Who could have predicted that the total enchantment you felt for your partner would one day be replaced by disenchantment and boredom?
And why is it for a few lucky couples, this passion and love for each other doesn’t end, instead it seems to grow stronger?
First of all, let’s break that myth.
The couples who seem to maintain their love and passion even after years of marriage are not lucky. What they are is focused on what they want, and they work hard to ensure that they get it.
The same way you work hard at your career, is the same way you ought to work hard for your marriage.
Why Do Couples Fall Out Of Love
So, let’s look at the reasons that might have led you to where you are today. Out of love with your partner, and thinking that your marriage is over.
1. Lack of communication
This is the most common reason why people fall out of love. If a couple does not communicate, that means that they are not sharing a lot of what is going on in their individual lives.
The problem is not lack of communication by itself, but it also includes the way a couple communicates.
Here are the issues linked with lack of and poor communication between couples.
a) Negative communication
There are four ways of communicating negatively that result to poor communication.
Silent treatment – Rather than resolving an issue in a mature way, couples punish each other by giving each other the silent treatment.
The truth is that by ignoring your partner and refusing to speak to them, you achieve absolutely nothing. If anything, what you do is slowly destroy the threads that hold your relationship together.
Defensiveness – When you view every statement or question from your partner as an accusation, and you react defensively, then you’re not communicating with your partner.
Life together becomes a game about who is to blame, and that is not what marriage is all about.
Criticism – Nothing kills communication in a marriage faster than constant criticism. Couples forget that nobody is perfect and nobody wants their imperfections spelt out for them every day.
If you constantly criticize your partner, they start to feel worthless and their self-esteem plummets.
Contempt – This is how disrespect is manifested to another person.
If you have negative thoughts about your spouse, it starts to show in the manner you talk to them. This includes the use of disrespectful language and behavior towards the other person.
b) Bad beginnings
This is where couples begin conversations with each other with questions that make each other become defensive.
For example, a wife may ask the husband immediately he walks into the house after work, why didn’t you pay the water bill, what if it gets disconnected, what’s wrong with you?
The husband becomes defensive immediately.
c) Not listening
This a major issue between couples where one doesn’t feel understood. When people don’t give each other their full attention, then the communication is bound to be fraught with problems due to misunderstandings.
When resolving conflicts, sentences that start with, you always, you never etc. are never helpful and they are inaccurate.
More often than not, it is not true and it puts the other person on the defensive. They view your statement as an attack and they react appropriately.
e) Thinking you know what your partner is going to say
When people have been married for a few years, they think that they know each other so well, and can even predict what the other person will say.
That may be so, however, people are gradually changing, including you. When you constantly interrupt your partner, they will withdraw and just stop trying to communicate with you.
f) Emotional reactions
If you tend to fly off the handle when issues get hot between you and your spouse, it will eventually lead to poor communication.
This is because, your partner will become wary of your reaction, in case the subjects under discussion become intense.
2. Lack of personal/individual space
Some couples mistakenly believe that they ought to spend all their waking hours together, every day. They spend so much time together that they forget who they are outside of the relationship.
Each person’s identity is forgotten, as the two become almost one person.
Couples think that spending all their time together is an expression or sign of how much they love each other. Couples who don’t give each other space to be themselves tend to be:
- Bored with each other
- Jealous or possessive
3. Lack of a solid foundation
A couple can fall out of love if their union did not have a solid foundation, to help them weather the ups and downs of marriage life.
Love takes time and for it to be deep and strong, a couple needs to give themselves time to get to know each other, before taking the plunge into marriage.
Below are some examples of bad foundations for marriages.
- Falling in love too quickly and rushing to marry
- Focusing too much on the romantic aspects of marriage such as the proposal and the honeymoon
- Being attracted to somebody because of material possessions
4. Unmet needs
Spouses in a marriage, who feel that their needs are not being met, often experience a change in their feelings for their spouse.
For example, a husband may feel that his wife is no longer interested in him. A wife may feel that her husband doesn’t help around the house.
When needs are not met, it leads to feelings of disillusion with the marriage. Couples feel neglected and resentful, towards the one person whom they should be in love with.
In many cases, when needs are unmet in a marriage, couples often resort to having their needs fulfilled elsewhere.
Examples of needs in marriage are:
- Financial security
- Mutual honesty
- A safe environment
- A loving and affectionate marriage
- Kindness and compassion
- Personal space
- Honoring of commitments
All relationships go through hardships at one time or another. Some marriages however are not able to withstand the strain and the stress that hardships bring with them. They gradually fall out love with each other.
Some of these hardships include:
•Financial hardship – Money is the cause for the failure of many marriages. One person may lose their job, and the couple finds it difficult to make ends meet.
This causes a strain in the marriage until the couple feel that they can no longer remain married.
•Children – Children can cause unbearable strain on a marriage. Couples have divorced and fallen out of love over the issues of children.
Examples of children problems in a marriage include:
- Lack of children
- Challenging children
- Disciplinary issue, when two people cannot agree on how to raise and discipline their children.
•Sickness – Yes, you swore to love your partner in sickness and in health, but the reality of living with a sick partner can overwhelm even the strongest of marriages.
When one partner is sick, the effects are emotional, physical and even financial.
Sickness affects how partners feel towards each other. Due to the demands of the illness, feelings can easily change from love to resentment and frustration because of the following reasons.
Caregiver burnout – The healthy spouse may get emotionally and physically exhausted from caring for a sick spouse.
Unmet needs – Due to body image issues or a lack of libido, the spouse may not be in a position to get intimate with the healthy spouse.
Withdrawal – Illnesses such as depression involve the sick spouse withdrawing into themselves. This can cause unbearable strain between couples.
Social life – The social life of a couple is completely disrupted when a one person becomes chronically ill.
Family life – Majority of responsibilities in the family fall on the healthy spouse. This is especially true if the couple have a child or children.
6. Avoiding conflict
In an effort to avoid conflict, some couples avoid difficult conversations (1) so as not to rock the boat.
Marital conflict occurs as a result of many events that happen over a period of time, which then threaten or damage the relationship.
Unfortunately, some couples deal with conflict by:
- Giving in to the other person without discussing the issue
- Forcing the other person, without any discussion to do things their way
- Stopping to care and letting everyone deal with the conflict their own way
7. Letting yourself go
Life happens and interferes with the person that your spouse fell in love with. Five years later, you look different from how you used to. This could be due to having children, lack of time etc.
Ways that a person can let themselves go include:
- Gaining weight
- Dressing shabbily
- Not shaving
- Not eating the right food
Physical attraction between couples is very important, and if one person feels that their partner does not take care of themselves as they used to, it can make them fall out of love.
After all, part of being in love is feeling passionate and physically attracted to the other person.
8. Lack of sex
People are different, and whilst one person can go for weeks without sex and still be in love with their partner, for another person, it is the first step towards falling out of love.
Sex is important to a marriage (2) in that it brings people closer, and it is an expression of love between two people.
A couple can stop having sex for a variety of reasons, e.g.
- Difficult pregnancy
- Hardships and other stresses of life
- Exhaustion from the daily grind of earning a living
- Health issues
9. Not growing together
Chances are that you’re not the same person you were when you got married, x years ago. Neither is your spouse.
People change and grow and embrace other life experiences that change them, hopefully for the better.
The problem comes in when two people are so blind to each other’s changes that they believe they are still dealing with the same person.
Alternatively, they ignore each other’s new hobbies and interests, rather than trying to get involved. The result is that a couple loses touch with each other, as they grow further and further apart.
10. Focusing too much on parenting
Perhaps one day you looked at your partner and it hit you that you only see them as the mother/father of your children. You’re no longer in love with them.
Parenting is very rewarding, yet, it is time consuming and your relationship can be at risk of being forgotten and laid down to the side.
Unfortunately, when you feel ready to pick off your relationship from here you left off, you find a disinterested and resentful partner.
Too much time has gone.
Thank you for reading this article about why do couples fall out of love and I really hope that you take action my advice. I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.