Today you’re going to learn how to resolve conflict in a relationship. Do you lack passion in your relationship? Are you scared that you or your partner may find other people more appealing? Chances are you are reading this because you know the answer deep down inside.
The purpose of this article is to share with you some tips to help you handle conflicts in your relationship. After all, you love each other, right?
The reality of a relationship
According to relationship experts, the primary reason why most relationships fail is the blind romanticism that veils the reality of relationship. People are conditioned to believe that being in a committed relationship is the end-all to their problems; that a perfect relationship only involves taking strolls on the beach, romantic candle light dinners and sexy vacations while seeing their beloved as the most beautiful and perfect person in the world.
But when couples enter into a relationship, it s only a matter of time before reality kicks in and other important factors such as bills, pets and or children enter the picture and suddenly the romance and sweet bliss goes out the door. In fact, some of those little quirks you found so appealing about your partner in the beginning may have turned into annoyances.
What’s even more stressful, your partner may expect you to keep the house in order, cook magnificent meals, take care of kids, stay in great shape, be great in bed and even make some serious money. That s not what you pictured is it?
You in turn expect your partner to do the dishes, offer to look after the children, fix your car, maintain the yard and instinctively, according to you, your partner should automatically remember your birthday, your anniversary, not leave dirty clothes around, and on top of all that, take you out on the weekends – but it doesn’t work out this way, does it?
The real question is: Do we expect too much from each other?
Exercise 1: Relationship is work. It is compromising and adjusting and working at being lovable and loving. Make a list of your partner’s unique traits that you found so appealing in the beginning.
The importance of friendship
Relationship requires constant effort. A good relationship is built on the unshakeable foundation of compromise, compassion, trust and loyalty.
Good friends support each other and help each other grow emotionally, spiritually and creatively. Growth requires both gentleness and firmness, even harshness at times, but the ultimate motive must be to help each other grow.
Exercise 2: Sexual passion might fade some after a while, but genuine friendship doesn’t. Are you and your partner good friends? What are the ways in which you support each other’s emotional, creative and spiritual growth? How do you support each other’s dreams and goals?
How to spice up your relationship
Ask yourself whether you really know each other. Or, have you confused sexual compatibility with “I love you unconditionally”?
Try these 6 positive actions to get to know each other better and still keep your relationship fresh:
1. If the zing has gone out of your sex life, reignite it.
Do something new together in bed. Why not incorporate some toys or erotic massages using essential oils. Work the kitchen, prepare a sensual meal together and do include aphrodisiac ingredients to spice things up.
2. Always try to look good.
No more frumpy pajamas and messy hair. Instead, ladies wear one of his t-shirt s around the house and by all means go commando. Guys go wild for little treats like these. No matter how familiar you are with each other, you can still be the sex symbol you used to be and keep him interested.
3. Take a romantic vacation, just the two of you.
An exotic island getaway or a cozy vacation in the countryside. Camp out on the beach and watch the stars or take a stroll hand in hand through a quaint farmers market. The goal is to rekindle the magic you once had.
4. Have a soulful conversation and dream a little.
Do you remember those late night conversations you used to have about love, your deep desires and a possible future together? On a cold winter s night camp out next to your fireplace, pop a bottle of champagne; don t forget the chocolate dipped strawberries.
5. Open up and talk to each other about your challenges without losing your temper.
As issues arise, you should by all means address them, but try doing it in a peaceful, beautiful setting when you’re both relaxed.
6. Do the things you used to enjoy doing together when you first met.
Remember traits that initially attracted you to your partner. It might be that these qualities are still attractive, but it’s you who has changed.
Exercise 3: There are ways to reignite the passion in your relationship. You can do something new sexually, go on a romantic vacation, or talk to each other about your challenges. You can recreate the romance by doing the things you used to enjoy doing together.
Have you paid attention to the way you look? Have you done any of the things you used to enjoy doing together? List the things you’ve done to keep your relationship fresh. What are some more ideas you’d like to try?
8 Things to avoid in a relationship
1. Expect that your partner will complete you.
This is a lot of pressure to put on someone else. No one can truly complete you but yourself and in order to make your relationship thrive, you must learn to take responsibility for your emotional state and how you react to situations. Things like acting needy and constantly pressuring your partner to get your way may make them withdraw when you need them most.
2. Look outside of the relationship in order to improve your relationship.
This is the quickest way to end your relationship. Looking to someone outside of your relationship to fulfill your emotional and physical needs is not a good idea and can certainly cause a lot of heartache. I cannot stress enough the importance of having ongoing and open communication with your partner.
3. Bring up past events to justify current issues.
Using past issues as collateral to win an argument is never good. Instead, choose to live in the present and accept that the past had its place and cannot solve your current problems.
4. Believe you can fix or change your partner.
The only person you should work on changing is yourself. It is good to support and encourage them in any way you can. Seek to understand your partner s perspective and then try to offer some advice.
5. Discus your relationship with other people.
This is sure to put your partner on the defensive and it makes you look desperate. At such a critical time, acting desperate only makes it worse.
6. Play victim.
This may work briefly, but in the long-term it will only increase their desire to get away from you.
7. Blame your partner about their lack of morals.
If your partner hasn’t realized their weakness and personal challenges by now, they most likely won t entertain you pointing them out.
8. Being pessimistic.
There is nothing more uninspiring than negative beliefs and thoughts. Things like: “It won’t work or, my partner always acts this way.” Remember, thoughts become actions and actions become habits. Instead, create a happy environment for your love to keep growing with optimistic thoughts. Believe that your beloved can change, but first, don t forget to change yourself.
Exercise 4: All of us get into a pattern of behavior that can be detrimental to our relationships. Perhaps you’re used to acting needy or blaming your partner for their mistakes, even exaggerating them. Maybe you keep lecturing them about their lack of morals. Or you could be trying to pressure them into changing by enlisting the support of your friends or your family.
Remember that none of these strategies will help to resolve conflict.
Have you attempted to break away from negative ways of behaving with your partner? If yes, in what ways? If not, why not? Make a note of your thoughts.
How To Resolve Conflict In a Relationship: 8 Ways
Now that you know what doesn’t work, here are strategies that do work. Work these strategies into your everyday patterns of thought and behavior to resolve conflicts with your partner:
1. Don’t panic when your partner gets upset.
They may seem to have conflicting views and emotions. We all have moments like this. Some degree of acceptance is crucial for a relationship to be successful.
2. Acknowledge that anger is a normal emotion.
Suppressed anger can lead to many things including affairs, reduced sex drive and many other perplexing and unlikable outcomes. Tools like EFT tapping, meditation and our exercising are ways to diffuse your anger.
3. Assume the best of your partner.
Unless you can concretely prove guilt, give your partner the benefit of the doubt and don t let suspicions about spiteful motives ruin your relationship.
4. Do inquire to see if your partner is hurt about something if they snap at you.
It may not have anything to do with you. Sometimes your partner may react negatively because they’re afraid of getting hurt themselves. It’s terribly easy to confuse hurt feelings with anger.
5. Remember that you’re not always the reason for their unhappiness.
If your partner seems unhappy, don’t immediately jump to conclusions about your relationship. Find out what’s wrong first then figure out solutions together.
6. You must compromise.
Avoid defending your turf regardless of the situation. According to Oren Arnold says, “There are other words almost as powerful “I love you.” They are “Maybe you’re right.”
7. Don’t get pregnant in hopes of fixing your issues.
Many people misguidedly believe that having a baby solves everything, but research shows that this may offer quite the opposite result. The added stress can amplify issues and make the worse.
8. Don’t mention breakup unless you are certain that this is what you want.
All too often couples use the term breakup as a threat, when in fact all they’re trying to convey how strongly they feel about the situation. So, don t be a Diva, just simply address why it’s important to you to resolve the conflict. Otherwise, you may find that your partner takes it to heart and stops trying. You definitely don t want that.
Exercise 5: Tolerance and patients is needed in all relationships. Make allowances for your partner’s occasional emotional outbursts. Allow them to have contradictory views and encourage them to avoid repressing their feelings. Repression leads to unpleasant outcomes.
If they react in an aggressive way, try to probe into their real feelings without being aggressive yourself. It may be that they’ve been hurt in some way and are trying to cover it up.
Have you looked through these 8 ways to resolve conflict and tried any of them? Which ones and with what results?
Thank you for reading this article abou how to resolve conflict in a relationshipand I really hope that you take action my advice. I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.