If you’ve ever wondered how to be confident around girls, this article is for you.
Before you can focus on your confidence levels you need to know who the real you is. We tend to adapt to the people around us, to hide the your true character out of fear of judgement or rejection. Sadly, over time you live in this manner and thus you don’t really get to be you. The true you is still in there somewhere, behind all the micromanaging and all the masking is you. Now to find it I would highly recommend that you spend some time to yourself.
In this time period you should focus on your thoughts and what you are feeling as an individual. Once you are in tune with how you think and feel while you are alone, do your best to remove any filters or boundaries that you would have previously had because of society or teachers such as your parents etc.
Just say whatever comes to your mind, swear at the thought of something that angers you, jump up and down while recalling a happy memory, just do what you want to. There is no wrong or right in any of your actions, if you choose to destroy guitars to calm you or to draw ponies in secret then let it be.
How To Be Confident Around Girls
Look, you may have functioned smoothly until now by following the “boundaries” and by behaving within the social norm, but is that really how you want to live the rest of your life? The more you get comfortable with saying and doing anything you choose to in privacy, the more comfortable you will become with yourself. There after the next challenge would be being more honest with the closest people around you.
Keep in mind though that there is a line between being RUDE and OPEN. But I would recommend just saying whatever thing comes to mind around them too. Disagree to them, tell them that you like certain things that they don’t, tell them weird jokes that come to your mind, just be… Since a habit takes about 20 days to form in your brain, I would suggest not only doing it for 20 days, but to dedicate changing to the real you permanently.
People won’t always respond well to the new, straightforward you, especially your friends. You don’t have to change to that extreme though but some change will be visible if you go from shy and nervous to confident and self assured. So, just be aware of this.
It may also be difficult making yourself a confident version of yourself permanently if you’ve spent years of your life in your comfort zone and shutdown self. Other than that there’s just positives attached to this.
Well, to the point then… how to be confident around females. Well, to get to that point mentioning the main male fear is crucial; Fear of rejection.
Rejection stops males from approaching women in the first place most of the time, but rejection in itself is all in your head. Think about it, as you are right at that moment, you don’t have her number or know her at all. You don’t have her as your girlfriend or partner or anything at all.
You have nothing. Now you approach her…she rejects you and then you spiral into your hole of sadness vowing not to get rejected again. In reality you didn’t lose anything at all. You had nothing once you started off and you still have nothing things remained the same. Besides our ego that would be a little damaged everything remains how it was.
So, my advice to you as the more confident, randomly commenting version of you is to get rejected as frequently as possible. Get rejected until it doesn’t bother you anymore. You shouldn’t even let it cross your mind anymore when you approach a girl. Just go for it she’s only a human after all. Besides, getting rejected teaches you in the process, it teaches you that what you are doing doesn’t work. Take advantage of this and adapt. When you realise you have nothing to lose, you will become a beast. So, go for it get your ass rejected.
After getting rejected a good number of times( until you aren’t afraid of the idea) by your own knowledge of approaching her, I would suggest you to try this: be even more of this straightforward you. I know this sounds kind of stupid because you’ve been rejected because of being you, but I can assure you that you were more nervous than anything. You said things and thought about what you were saying thus putting her on a pedestal. She’s just an attractive or ordinary girl, nothing more to it.
So, stop THINKING. Just stop in general. Let stupid Sh*t come out of your mouth. Comment on things in the same way as you would in your personal space. The reason for this is so that the girl that does enjoy your point of view on things, your comfortable approach to her, your boldness, will like you for the real you. She won’t like you for some rehearsed pickup line you through at her or some body language trick( although working on your posture could help), but instead for the unique being that is you. That’s the main goal.
Finding someone you can be the real you around without them having an issue with it. Be straightforward about how you feel too. I know guys aren’t really in tune with their emotions as what they should be, but just tell her something like, ” hey I know this is pretty darn random of me, but I was drawn to you and I decided not to let the opportunity slip of talking to you…etc”
Sounds cheesy, but you have just climbed out of your shell, seen something you want and gone for it without hesitation. Not alot of guys can do that.
Don’t be afraid to joke around with her. Tease her. See her as one of your close guy friends, but just add attraction to the mix.
If she says that she can’t meet you or see you another time, persist make a joke out of it. Some girls need dedication to get through to them. Tell her not to be a spoilsport and that one get together won’t kill her. Just be free with how you approach things, say what you think and feel.
I promise you it’s not as bad as it sounds. I really suggest physically trying what ive just told you and not to give up after it not working the first few times. If 2 out of 10 girls give you their numbers and like you and are intrigued by your boldness, then that’s two girls that like you for the real genuine you. The other 8 don’t matter because well you had nothing in the first place so you can only gain. Let them go…
Just a little side note… it is alot easier getting all of this done if you have a positive outlook on your own life or on things. It isn’t fun being around someone that drains you and who is pestimistic. So try to solve the issues in your life head on along the way. It’s not a must but it would increase your chances.
I’m sure that to you as the reader this sounds way to simple to actually work. Usually there are a lot of articles about this sort of thing, but there’s nothing better than the raw, unchanged version of you and you should own that.
Okay, so what to do on the second time that you meet up? The main goal here is spiking her interest even more than what they are at, at the moment. Make sure to get her comfortable as well, laugh with her, make jokes, have random conversations… deep or not. Whatever comes out, comes out. You do however want to make sure that she knows you are interested in her in a further level than just friends. How you choose to do so is your choice just do it in the beginning of your relationship rather than later(friendzones are for sissies).
Give her the feeling that you can trust her, because then she will open up more. You can do this by telling her something of yourself you usually don’t tell people, like an embarrassing moment you had etc. One of the last things I can share is that you should remove any pressure you put yourself under. Don’t worry about saying the right or wrong thing. We all have a limited span of life on earth. Just meet people, have fun, dont apologise for who you are, ever. The people that don’t like you, can suck it.