In this new article you’ll learn how to define your personal values.
Discovering your personal values is one of the most powerful things you can do for your life. They act like an internal compass, helping you make decisions that are aligned with who you truly are.
When you know what matters most to you, it becomes easier to say yes to the right opportunities and no to the ones that would pull you away from your core. You stop chasing someone else’s definition of success and start building a life that genuinely feels meaningful.
So how do you figure out what your values are? It starts with curiosity—and a willingness to look inward. Here are a few reflective exercises that can help bring clarity.
How To Define Your Personal Values:
1. Name what truly matters to you
Start by jotting down the things that give your life depth, energy, and purpose. Don’t worry about using formal “value” language like integrity, courage, or compassion just yet. Just write what comes naturally.
Maybe it’s your Sunday dinners with your grandparents. Maybe it’s traveling to new cities, or mentoring younger colleagues at work. These clues point to values—like family, adventure, or service—that already shape your choices.
For example:
- “Having deep conversations with people I trust.”
- “Learning about cultures different from my own.”
- “Being able to express myself creatively.”
- “Making others feel seen and heard.”
- “Having the freedom to spend my time how I want.”
Give yourself 10-15 minutes, and try to come up with at least 5. Then, look for patterns. What do these say about what matters most to you?
2. Reflect on moments that lit you up
Think of three times in your life when you felt fully alive—not just happy, but engaged, like every part of you was present. They might be big milestones, like finishing a marathon or giving a talk, or small but powerful moments, like helping a stranger on the subway or building a bookshelf from scratch.
Ask yourself:
- What made that moment special?
- What were you doing?
- Who were you with?
- What feelings did you experience?
Let’s say you felt a rush of energy while volunteering at an animal shelter. That might point to values like compassion, responsibility, or care for the voiceless. Or maybe you once organized a local art show and loved the process of bringing people together around something meaningful—that could signal a value of community, creativity, or contribution.
3. Picture your 80th birthday celebration
This is a classic exercise for a reason—it helps you reverse-engineer your life based on what will matter in the end. Imagine a big celebration: people are gathered to honor you, tell stories, and share what kind of person you were.
Ask yourself:
- Who’s there, and what do they say about you?
- What impact have you had on their lives?
- What have you stood for?
- What accomplishments do they highlight—not just professional, but personal?
If your friends say, “You always made time for us no matter how busy you were,” that could reflect a value of loyalty or presence. If someone says, “You pushed me to believe in myself,” maybe growth or empowerment is one of your core values.
4. Identify what you admire in others
We often recognize in others the traits we either aspire to develop or already hold dear. Think about 2 or 3 people you deeply admire—these could be people you know personally, public figures, or even fictional characters.
What is it about them that speaks to you? Maybe it’s your grandmother’s resilience, a coach’s integrity, or a character’s unwavering pursuit of truth. Ask yourself what qualities they embody and why those stand out to you.
For instance:
- If you admire a friend who always tells the truth, even when it’s hard, you might value honesty or courage.
- If you’re drawn to a public figure who uses their platform to fight for justice, values like fairness, advocacy, and responsibility may resonate with you.
Once you’ve completed these exercises, look at your answers side by side. You’ll start to see themes—words or ideas that keep showing up. These are the foundations of your personal value system. Use them to make better decisions, to steer your career, to build relationships—and to come home to yourself in a world full of noise.
5. Write Down What You Truly Want Out of Life
Grab a notebook or open a blank document and divide the page into two columns. On the left, make a list of everything you want to experience, achieve, or become in life. Be as specific or as broad as you like—this is your time to dream freely. Include goals about your career, relationships, lifestyle, and even day-to-day routines.
Ask yourself:
- What do I want to accomplish in the next few years?
- What kind of person do I want to be remembered as?
- What experiences do I want to have before I die?
- What do I want more of in my life right now?
- How do I want to feel on a regular basis?
Once your list feels complete—or at least long enough to reflect your thoughts—move to the right column. For each item on the left, ask: What does this reveal about what I value?
Here’s an example:
- Left side: “I want to live in a small house near the woods.”
- Right side: “I value simplicity, nature, and quiet.”
Or:
- Left side: “I want to start a business that creates eco-friendly products.”
- Right side: “I value sustainability, creativity, and independence.”
By making connections between your desires and the underlying values behind them, you’ll start to see what truly drives you—not just what sounds good on paper.
6. Explore a Values Inventory to Get Clear on What Matters
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure where to begin, a values inventory can help jumpstart your thinking. These are curated lists of common values—words like integrity, freedom, connection, adventure, and so on. Reviewing them can help you recognize the concepts that feel most “you.”
As you go through the list, circle or highlight every value that resonates. Don’t overthink it. If something makes your chest lift a little or feels familiar, it likely matters to you. Once you’ve gone through the list, go back and choose your top 10—these are your core values, the ones you feel most connected to.
You can use resources like the Work Values Inventory or any number of free lists available online. Just remember: these aren’t suggestions. They’re starting points for self-discovery.
7. Prioritize Your Top 10 Values
Once you’ve narrowed your list to 10 values that really feel like home, it’s time to rank them in order of importance. Ask yourself: If I could only live according to one of these, which would I choose? Then repeat that question as you move through your list.
Ranking your values can help you recognize which ones must be non-negotiables in your decisions. For example, if autonomy ranks higher than stability, you might realize you’re better suited for freelance or entrepreneurial work rather than a steady corporate job.
And remember, your rankings aren’t permanent. Life circumstances shift. You may discover new parts of yourself next year that bring different values into focus. That’s not failure—it’s growth.
8. Reflect on How Aligned Your Life Is with Your Values
Now that you have your ranked list of values, it’s time to hold up a mirror to your current life. Go one by one and ask: To what extent is this value actually present in how I live?
Use a simple 1–10 scale:
- 10 means this value is fully alive in your everyday life.
- 1 means it’s almost completely absent.
Say one of your values is playfulness, but you’ve spent the last six months buried in work without time for fun. You might give yourself a 2 and recognize that something’s missing. Or if learning is one of your top values and you’ve recently started a new language course or read daily, you might give yourself an 8 or 9.
This exercise is honest, sometimes a little uncomfortable, but always illuminating. It helps you see not just what matters—but what might be calling for change.
9. Assess How Well Your Career Reflects Your Values
Your job takes up a large part of your time, so it’s worth asking how well it reflects who you are and what you care about. Go through your list of top values and ask, Does my career allow me to express this? Again, use the 1–10 scale.
If innovation is one of your top values and you work in a role where you solve new problems every day, that might be a 9. But if you value community, and your job is mostly solitary or transactional, the score might be lower—and that could help explain any lingering dissatisfaction.
Even if you can’t change jobs right away, knowing this gives you power. You might begin to look for ways to bring more of your values into your work—whether that’s mentoring a coworker, starting a side project, or shifting your responsibilities over time.
The goal isn’t to create a perfect life overnight, but to better understand what fuels your motivation, satisfaction, and sense of purpose—so you can start making choices that feel more aligned, one step at a time.
10. Notice Which of Your Values Are Being Neglected
Once you’ve assessed how closely your life and career reflect your values, pay close attention to the ones that aren’t showing up as strongly. These overlooked values can be quiet signals that something is missing—something that, if brought into your life, could boost your sense of meaning and well-being.
For instance, maybe you identified curiosity as a core value, but your daily routine is repetitive and doesn’t offer much room for learning or exploration. Or perhaps spirituality or connection with nature made your top 10, but you haven’t made time for walks, meditation, or moments of stillness in months.
Write a list of these underrepresented values. They’re not failures—they’re invitations. Use them as inspiration for what to prioritize going forward. If creativity isn’t showing up, maybe it’s time to dust off your guitar or finally take that photography class. If service is low, perhaps you’ll feel more fulfilled by getting involved in a local community group.
The goal isn’t to “fix” yourself—it’s to gently close the gap between the life you’re living and the one that feels like it truly belongs to you.
11. Envision the Life That Reflects Your Values
Now take a moment to imagine what your life would look like if your values were fully alive in every corner of it. This isn’t about building a fantasy—this is about designing something real that feels right.
Ask yourself:
- Where would I live?
- How would I spend my mornings?
- What kind of work would I do—and why would it matter to me?
- Who would I spend my time with?
- What kind of energy would I bring into the spaces I inhabit?
Let’s say you value freedom, creativity, and connection. Your ideal life might involve running a small but thriving online design studio from your home in the mountains, where you create meaningful work with clients you respect—and have time in the afternoon to hike or have long talks with friends over coffee.
Or maybe your values include adventure, family, and growth. Your version might be a nomadic lifestyle with your partner and kids, homeschooling on the road, while building an online platform that shares insights from different cultures.
Try zooming in on just one “perfect” day or week in this life. What time do you wake up? What kind of conversations are you having? What are you creating, learning, or giving?
This isn’t just a thought exercise—it’s a compass for your next steps.
12. Explore Career Paths That Align with Who You Are
We spend a significant portion of our lives working, so finding a career that reflects your personal values is one of the most impactful things you can do. A good fit doesn’t mean a glamorous title or a huge paycheck—it means doing something that feels meaningful to you.
Start by asking:
- What kind of impact do I want to have?
- Do I prefer collaboration or working alone?
- What type of environments energize me?
- What do I want my day-to-day tasks to feel like?
If you value justice and community, a role in public policy, social work, or legal advocacy might light you up. If you value beauty and expression, careers in design, writing, or the arts could feel fulfilling. If stability and order are important, project management or logistics might be more your speed.
You can also explore hybrid paths. Let’s say you love teaching, but don’t want to be in a traditional classroom. Maybe you become a corporate trainer, or design educational games for children.
The key is to let your values—not someone else’s definition of success—be your north star.
13. Take Small, Concrete Steps Toward Your Ideal Life
Once you have a sense of the life and career that align with your values, the next step is action—but that doesn’t mean a massive leap. In fact, starting small is often the most powerful way to create lasting change.
Brainstorm 3 to 5 things you can do to start bringing your ideal life closer. Think of these as experiments rather than commitments.
For example:
- If you value learning, sign up for a short online course.
- If you value health, take a walk during lunch instead of scrolling on your phone.
- If you value connection, invite a friend over for a no-agenda dinner.
- If you value freedom, explore freelancing opportunities on weekends.
Once you’ve got your list, choose just one thing you can do today. It might take ten minutes or just a shift in mindset. Then, aim to do one more small thing tomorrow. You’re not trying to change your whole life overnight—you’re realigning, one thoughtful step at a time.
The more consistent you are with these small actions, the more your outer life will begin to mirror your inner priorities—and the more authentic and meaningful your day-to-day experience will become.
Summary:
Defining your personal values is a process of self-reflection, exploration, and intentional alignment with what truly matters to you. Here’s a step-by-step summary:
- Reflect on What Matters Most
Start by listing the things you care about deeply—such as relationships, creativity, helping others, or personal growth. Think about what brings you energy, peace, or pride. - Recall Meaningful Life Experiences
Identify a few moments when you felt fully alive, engaged, or deeply moved. Ask yourself what made those moments meaningful—these often reveal core values. - Visualize Your Legacy
Imagine your 80th birthday and what you’d like people to say about you. What qualities, contributions, or ways of being do you hope they celebrate? These reflections point toward your values. - Identify Role Models
Think of people you admire and why. The traits or behaviors you respect in others often reflect your own internal values. - Explore What You Truly Want
Write down your goals, dreams, and desires. Then ask yourself: What does each goal say about what I value? This links your ambitions to your deeper motivations. - Use a Values Inventory
Go through a list of common values and select the ones that resonate most. Narrow this list down to your top 10. - Rank Your Top Values
Put your 10 core values in order of priority. This helps clarify which values are non-negotiable in your decision-making. - Assess Alignment with Your Life
Rate how well your current life reflects each value on a scale of 1–10. This shows where you’re in alignment—and where something’s missing. - Evaluate Your Career Fit
Do the same exercise for your job or career. Which values are being expressed in your work, and which are absent? This can guide career decisions or shifts. - Spot Missing Values
Look for values that matter to you but are missing from your current life. These are areas for growth and adjustment. - Design Your Ideal Life
Imagine what your life would look like if your top values were fully expressed. Consider where you’d live, what you’d do, and how you’d spend your time. - Find Value-Based Career Paths
Explore jobs or roles that naturally align with your values. The goal is work that feels meaningful—not just productive. - Take Small, Actionable Steps
Make a short list of things you can do today (and this week) to begin aligning your life with your values. Start small, and build momentum gradually.
This process isn’t about perfection—it’s about living with more clarity, intention, and alignment with who you really are.
