How To Deal With Angry People: 20 Helpful Strategies

If you’ve ever wondered how to deal with angry people, this article is for you.

We all encounter angry people at some point—whether it’s a frustrated customer, a short-tempered colleague, or a stranger venting their irritation in public. Anger is a natural emotion, but when it’s not managed properly, it can escalate into conflict.

Dealing with an angry person requires emotional intelligence, patience, and effective communication skills. Instead of reacting impulsively, your goal should be to remain calm and guide the conversation toward a resolution. Here’s how to do it:

How To Deal With Angry People:

1. Stay Calm and Don’t Mirror Their Anger

When someone directs their anger toward you, it’s tempting to respond with the same energy. However, reacting with frustration will only escalate the situation. Instead, take a deep breath, pause before you speak, and remind yourself that their anger is likely not personal—it may stem from external stressors.

For example, if a coworker snaps at you over a minor mistake, instead of responding with defensiveness, you could say, “I see that this is really frustrating for you. Let’s figure out how to fix it together.” This kind of response helps defuse tension rather than fueling it.

2. Create Emotional Distance and Stay Objective

Instead of internalizing the other person’s emotions, approach the situation with curiosity. Ask yourself, What might be causing this person to feel so upset? This shift in mindset helps you detach emotionally and respond with empathy rather than frustration.

For example, if a customer is yelling about a late delivery, rather than taking it personally, you might think, They probably had an important deadline and are feeling stressed. Responding with understanding—such as, “I can see why this is upsetting. Let’s figure out a solution together.”—can help de-escalate their anger.

3. Use a Calm, Steady Voice

Your tone can either soothe or provoke an angry person. Speaking in a slow, composed manner reassures them that you’re in control of the situation and are there to help. Avoid raising your voice or matching their intensity.

Imagine a parent dealing with a child throwing a tantrum. If the parent yells back, the situation worsens. But if they say, “I hear that you’re upset. Let’s take a deep breath and talk,” it creates space for calm discussion. The same principle applies when dealing with angry adults.

4. Adopt Non-Threatening Body Language

Your posture and gestures communicate just as much as your words. Closed-off or aggressive body language—like crossing your arms, standing too close, or pointing—can make the other person feel defensive. Instead:

Maintain gentle eye contact without staring them down.
Keep your arms relaxed at your sides rather than crossed.
Stand at a slight angle instead of directly facing them, which can feel confrontational.
Respect their personal space. If they seem physically agitated, giving them room can help prevent escalation.
In some cases, a reassuring touch (like a hand on the shoulder) can help, but only if it’s appropriate—comforting a friend is different from interacting with an upset customer.

5. Avoid Provoking Them Further

If you know what triggers a person’s anger, it might be tempting—either intentionally or unintentionally—to push their buttons. Sometimes, this happens in subtle ways, like rolling your eyes, making sarcastic remarks, or dismissing their feelings. These actions can make an already tense situation worse.

For example, if a friend is upset because they feel unheard in a group discussion, saying, “Oh, here we go again,” will only make them angrier. Instead, acknowledge their frustration: “I see you feel strongly about this. Let’s talk it through.”

Respecting the person’s emotions and avoiding unnecessary provocations can go a long way in preventing further escalation.

6. Read the Situation Before Offering Advice

Not everyone wants advice when they’re angry. Some people just need to vent, while others may be open to guidance. If the person is visibly fuming, now is not the time to suggest solutions—doing so might make them feel dismissed or patronized.

However, if they seem receptive, you can gently offer a way to de-escalate. For example, if a colleague is upset about a work deadline, instead of immediately telling them how to fix it, try asking, “Do you want to talk it out, or do you just need to vent for a moment?” This shows that you respect their emotional state and gives them control over the conversation.

If a discussion is turning heated and unproductive, sometimes the best approach is to suggest a short break. A simple, “I think we both need a minute to cool off. Let’s step away and come back to this,” can help reset the tone.

7. Encourage Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a simple yet effective way to calm down when emotions are running high. If the person is open to it, guide them through a basic breathing exercise:

Breathe in slowly through the nose for four seconds.
Hold the breath for four seconds.
Exhale slowly through the mouth for four seconds.
Repeat the cycle several times.

For even better results, encourage them to focus on breathing from the diaphragm rather than the chest. A good way to test this is to have them place a hand on their stomach—if their belly rises when they inhale, they’re doing it correctly.

This technique helps regulate the nervous system, making it easier for the person to regain control over their emotions.

8. Suggest Counting to Ten

Sometimes, people react impulsively when they’re angry, saying or doing things they might regret later. A simple trick to create a pause between emotion and action is to count to ten before responding.

For example, if someone is about to send an angry email, you could say, “Before you hit send, just count to ten and see if you still feel the same way.” This momentary delay allows emotions to settle and encourages a more measured response.

If ten seconds isn’t enough, suggest they take a longer break before making any decisions. Stepping away from the situation, even briefly, can prevent rash actions they might later regret.

9. Redirect Their Focus

Distraction can be a powerful tool when someone is caught up in anger. Shifting their attention to something else—even for a few moments—can help break the cycle of frustration.

Depending on the situation, you might:

Crack a lighthearted joke (if appropriate).
Change the topic to something more neutral.
Suggest stepping outside for fresh air.
Play a calming song or video.

For example, if a friend is fuming about a long day at work, you could say, “I know you’re frustrated, but have you seen that ridiculous cat video everyone’s talking about?” While this won’t solve their problem, it might help lower their emotional intensity, making it easier to discuss things rationally.

Ultimately, the goal isn’t to ignore their feelings but to create space for them to cool down before addressing the issue in a productive way.

10. Suggest Changing the Environment

Sometimes, stepping away from the source of frustration can help reset emotions. If possible, encourage the person to take a break from the situation.

Go for a walk: Movement helps release built-up tension and allows for a shift in perspective. You might say, “Let’s step outside for a minute and clear our heads.”
Get some fresh air: A change in scenery, especially in nature, can be calming. If indoors, even walking to another room can make a difference.
Engage in a small physical activity: If a walk isn’t possible, suggest stretching, getting a drink of water, or taking a few deep breaths in a quiet space.

The goal is to create distance between the person and whatever triggered their anger, giving them a chance to regain control of their emotions.

11. Give Them Space to Speak

People often become more frustrated when they feel ignored or dismissed. One of the most effective ways to calm an angry person is simply to let them talk.

Listen without interrupting: Even if you think they’re overreacting, resist the urge to correct them or offer solutions right away.
Use active listening techniques: Nod occasionally, maintain eye contact, and use small verbal acknowledgments like “I see” or “That makes sense.”
Avoid defensive responses: If they’re angry with you, let them finish their point before responding. Jumping in too soon can make them feel invalidated.

For example, if a friend is venting about being overworked, rather than saying, “That’s just part of the job,” let them fully express their frustration first. Often, just feeling heard is enough to reduce their anger.

12. Show Empathy Without Needing to Agree

You don’t have to agree with someone’s anger to acknowledge that their feelings are valid. Demonstrating empathy can help diffuse their frustration.

Reflect their emotions: Try saying, “I can see why that would be frustrating,” or “That sounds really upsetting.”
Relate without making it about yourself: Instead of shifting the conversation to your own experiences, keep the focus on them.
Give them space to feel justified: Sometimes, just recognizing their frustration can help them calm down. For example, if a coworker is angry about being overlooked for a promotion, saying, “I’d be upset too if I worked hard and didn’t get recognized,” can make them feel validated.

Empathy helps the other person feel like you’re on their side rather than against them, which makes it easier to have a productive conversation.

13. Ask Open-Ended Questions to Understand More

Rather than making assumptions about why the person is upset, ask questions that encourage them to share more.

Use open-ended questions: Instead of asking, “Are you upset because of the meeting?” ask, “What happened at the meeting that upset you?” This invites them to give a fuller response.
Use the word “exactly” for clarity: If someone says, “Nobody respects me at work,” respond with, “What exactly makes you feel that way?” This helps them focus on specific events rather than general emotions.
Encourage reflection: Sometimes, anger is rooted in deeper frustrations. Questions like, “Has this been bothering you for a while?” can help uncover the real issue.

By guiding the conversation with thoughtful questions, you help the person gain clarity about their own emotions, which can naturally ease their frustration.

14. Paraphrase to Show You Understand

Repeating back what the person has said, in your own words, shows that you’re truly listening and ensures you’re interpreting their frustration correctly.

Summarize their experience: “So, if I understand correctly, you put in extra hours on the project, but your boss didn’t acknowledge your effort, which made you feel unappreciated. Is that right?”
Check for accuracy: If they say, “No, it’s not just that—he actually gave credit to someone else,” you gain a clearer picture of what’s really upsetting them.
Use neutral language: Avoid emotionally charged words that might escalate the situation further.

Paraphrasing reassures the person that you’re engaged in the conversation and trying to see things from their perspective, which can help de-escalate their anger.

15. Choose the Right Time to Talk

Trying to solve a problem when emotions are running high often leads to more frustration rather than resolution. It’s important to wait for a moment when both you and the other person are in a calmer state.

Avoid discussing serious issues when the person is tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. If someone is already physically or mentally drained, they’re less likely to be open to a productive conversation.
Give them time to process their emotions. If they’re still visibly upset, suggest revisiting the issue later. For example, you could say, “I can see this is really frustrating right now. Why don’t we take a break and talk about it when we’re both feeling a little clearer?”
Be mindful of the setting. Some conversations require privacy, while others might be easier in a more relaxed environment, like during a walk or over coffee.

Choosing the right moment can make all the difference in whether a discussion leads to a resolution or just more conflict.

16. Apologize When It’s Warranted

A sincere apology can go a long way in defusing tension, especially if your words or actions contributed to the other person’s anger.

Own up to your mistakes. If you said or did something hurtful, acknowledge it without making excuses. A simple, “I’m really sorry for what I said earlier—I didn’t mean to dismiss your feelings,” can go a long way.
Avoid defensive apologies. Saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” isn’t a real apology—it shifts the blame onto the other person instead of taking responsibility.
Apologizing doesn’t mean admitting total fault. Even if you didn’t intend to hurt them, you can still acknowledge their feelings. For example, “I didn’t mean to make you feel left out. That wasn’t my intention, but I understand why it upset you.”

A genuine apology shows emotional maturity and signals to the other person that you care about their feelings.

17. Work Together to Find a Solution

Once emotions have settled, shift the conversation toward problem-solving.

Ask them what they need. Instead of guessing, say something like, “What do you think would help fix this situation?” This allows them to express their expectations.
Be realistic. If their request is something you can accommodate, agree to it. If it’s unrealistic, suggest a middle ground. For example, if a coworker is upset about workload distribution, you might say, “I can’t take on everything, but I can handle these two tasks to lighten the load.”
Encourage compromise. If both sides contribute to a solution, the resolution is more likely to last. If necessary, suggest alternatives that work for both of you.

The goal is to move forward rather than dwell on what went wrong.

18. Use Collaborative Language

The way you phrase things can significantly impact how the other person perceives the conversation. Using inclusive language like “we” instead of “you” or “I” can help shift the tone from confrontation to cooperation.

Instead of saying: “You need to calm down.”
Try: “We can figure this out together.”
Instead of saying: “I don’t see why this is such a big deal.”
Try: “I want to understand why this is important to you.”
Instead of saying: “That’s not my problem.”
Try: “Let’s see what we can do to fix this.”

When people feel like you’re working with them rather than against them, they’re more likely to engage in a productive conversation.

19. Stay Focused on the Issue at Hand

One of the biggest obstacles to resolving conflict is bringing up past mistakes or unrelated issues.

Avoid saying things like, “You always do this” or “This is just like the time you…” Focusing on old arguments can make the person feel attacked rather than heard.
Keep the conversation on the present situation. If someone is angry about a specific event, address that rather than dragging in unrelated grievances.
If they bring up past conflicts, redirect the conversation. For example, “I understand that there have been other issues in the past, but let’s focus on fixing this one right now.”

Sticking to the current issue makes it easier to find a resolution instead of spiraling into an unproductive argument.

By approaching conflict with patience, empathy, and a problem-solving mindset, you can turn even the most heated situations into opportunities for understanding and resolution.

20. Accept That Some Conflicts Take Time to Resolve

Not every disagreement can be solved in the heat of the moment. Sometimes, people need space to process their emotions before they’re ready to have a productive conversation.

Don’t rush a resolution. If the other person is still visibly upset, pushing for an immediate solution might make things worse. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and suggest coming back to the discussion later. You could say, “I can see this is really upsetting, and I want to talk about it when we’re both in a better headspace. Let’s take a break and revisit this later.”
Respect their need for time. Some people need minutes, while others might need days to calm down. If the conflict is ongoing, check in periodically rather than forcing the issue.
Understand that some issues don’t have a simple fix. Some disagreements—especially deep-seated ones—require multiple discussions, compromises, or even professional mediation.

The key is to remain patient and open, allowing the other person to come back to the conversation when they’re ready. Forcing a resolution too soon can backfire, leading to more resentment rather than genuine understanding.

Summary

Handling an angry person requires patience, empathy, and strategic communication. Here are the key steps to effectively manage the situation and work toward a resolution:

1. Stay Calm and Don’t React with Anger

Responding with frustration only escalates the situation. Take deep breaths, control your emotions, and remain composed.

2. Give Them Space and Let Them Speak

Allow the person to express their feelings without interrupting or correcting them. Active listening shows that you take their concerns seriously.

3. Show Empathy Without Necessarily Agreeing

Validate their emotions by acknowledging their frustration, even if you don’t share their perspective. A simple “I understand why this upset you” can help diffuse tension.

4. Choose the Right Moment to Address the Problem

If the person is too upset, wait until they are calmer before discussing solutions. Trying to fix things in the heat of the moment is often counterproductive.

5. Use Non-Threatening and Cooperative Language

Avoid accusatory phrases like “You need to calm down.” Instead, use collaborative wording such as “Let’s figure this out together.” This makes them feel supported rather than attacked.

6. Focus on the Present Issue

Bringing up past conflicts can make things worse. Stick to the current problem and avoid unnecessary arguments about old grievances.

7. Work Toward a Solution, But Don’t Force It

Ask the person what they would like to see happen and try to find a fair compromise. If they’re still too upset, allow time for emotions to settle before revisiting the issue.

8. Be Ready for Delayed Resolution

Not every conflict can be solved immediately. Some people need more time to cool down before they can have a rational discussion. Be patient and check in later when they are more receptive.

By maintaining a calm, empathetic, and solution-oriented approach, you can prevent conflicts from escalating and foster better communication—even in emotionally charged situations.