This new article will show you everything you need to know about how to accept your partner’s past.
Accepting your partner’s history is an important aspect of any relationship, even if it’s not always easy. Whether you are consumed by previous relationships or worried about your partner’s mistakes, try to remain impartial.
It is important to remember that everyone has baggage and you cannot change the past.
Give him credit if there are no significant warning signs, such as cheating on all his ex-girlfriends or a history of violence.
Focus on how your partner treats you now, and focus on building a trustworthy relationship with him.
How To Accept Your Partner’s Past
1. Recognise when unwanted thoughts occur.
Learn to spot compulsive, black-and-white thinking and stop yourself before jumping to hasty conclusions. It is one thing to wonder about your partner’s history or feel emotions about it.
However, try to notice when your thoughts unravel or when you exaggerate previous events.
Anger, sadness and jealousy are natural emotions. It’s natural to feel upset or cry because of something your partner has done in the past, for example. If you are jealous or worried about your ex-partner, there is nothing wrong with talking things out with a loved one.
Try not to obsess over your partner’s past relationships, follow their exes on social media or dwell on small mistakes they made years ago.
2. Crack down on irrational all-or-nothing thinking.
Question intrusive or illogical ideas as soon as you notice them. Remind yourself to remain impartial, examine the facts and eliminate unfounded fears.
Let’s say you have a suspicion that your spouse is still in love with his or her ex, but you have no evidence to support it.
Whether you start focusing on your jealousy, assuming the worst about your partner, or compulsively browsing your ex’s social media accounts, ask yourself if you’re acting rationally.
If you have suspicions, it’s better to tell the other person rather than convince yourself of the worst case scenario.
3. Seek advice from a trusted family member or friend.
Tell a loved one how you feel and ask for their opinion. They can help you determine whether the problem is just a matter of perception or a real cause for concern.
Trust someone who is objective and remember that anything you say about your partner can affect that person’s opinion of you.
4. If you are unsure how to deal with your partner’s story, see a therapist.
An individual or couples therapist can help you to come to terms with your partner’s story or to control your emotions.
He or she can give your relationship a new perspective and, if necessary, address larger trust issues.
5. Think about what you have done in the past.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Remind yourself that no one is flawless and that everyone has a story.
Make a mental note of your exes, mistakes you’ve made, and other instances that are similar to aspects of your ex’s story that bother you.
Consider how you would feel if your partner asked if you still had feelings for your ex, or condemned you for a mistake ten years ago. You would probably think it unfair that they hold you responsible for things you did before you met.
6. Remember that you cannot change what has happened in the past.
You should not expect your partner to have a completely clean slate because they cannot erase their history.
In a partnership, everyone carries baggage with them. It is up to you to decide whether you can tolerate your partner’s history or not.
It’s OK if you need some time to process your partner’s history. But holding grudges against them or bringing up their mistakes during an argument is not fair.
It’s better to end things than to constantly have accusations d your partner if they’ve done something awful that you can’t tolerate.
7. Don’t judge your partner based only on their past transgressions.
Consider who your partner is at the moment and how they treat you. Instead of highlighting a specific act, try to look at the bigger picture and look for broader trends.
Consider how you would feel if your partner judged you based on just one slip-up.
Suppose your partner confessed to you that he cheated on one of his exes a long time ago and that he still regrets it. That doesn’t mean you should be suspicious of him.
8. Determine whether or not anything they have done is a reason to break the relationship.
It’s good to set boundaries (1), even if everyone makes mistakes. It is one thing to make small, one-off mistakes.
But serious warning signs, such as a long-term history of bad behaviour or a serious offence, need not be accepted.
Suppose your partner has cheated in each of their previous relationships. This is a pattern of questionable behavior, and it’s good to be skeptical about his willingness to commit.
Let’s say he was previously arrested for violence, and you’ve seen him punch walls, slam doors and destroy property. This is a pattern of potentially violent behaviour.
Shouting at you, threatening bodily harm and trying to isolate you from loved ones are examples of other abusive actions. If you have noticed any of these red signs, you should definitely end the relationship.
If the person loses their cool but doesn’t direct their rage at you and you want to talk about it, you still need to establish ground rules.
They should get help from a psychologist to deal with their anger.
9. Express your emotions in a calm and polite way.
In the middle of a dispute, don’t bring up anything from their story. When you are both calm and content, invite them to talk to you.
Tell them that something is bothering you and that you want to tell them the truth about it.
10. Pay attention to what they have to say.
Give them credit and listen to what they have to say. They may have made a perfunctory mention of something they did, but you didn’t get the full story.
Avoid making assumptions about what is going on in their heads and don’t jump to conclusions.
11. Listen to what others have to say, but follow your gut feeling.
Remember that an explanation is not the same as an excuse. It’s one thing if your partner gives a reasonable explanation and puts something in the context of their story.
However, if you suspect he or she is trying to deceive you, trust your instincts.
Suppose your partner had a problem with drugs or alcohol. Describe how he or she took steps to confront the addiction and how long they have been clean.
Instead of making excuses, their words and actions show that the past no longer matters.
12. Be honest with each other, but don’t overdo it.
You and your partner should feel comfortable being honest with each other as your relationship develops.
Make it clear to your partner that talking about past experiences, mistakes and regrets is acceptable. Encourage honesty, but remember that you don’t have to reveal every detail about certain topics.
In the bedroom, for example, talking about what you like and dislike can help you build closeness. However, there is no need for either of you to go into detail about intimacy with your ex.
Some people just don’t care about their partner’s previous relationships. Tell your partner that you don’t want to hear about his or her exes if you know you have jealousy tendencies (2).
13. Pay attention to how the other person treats you
Find out if your partner has given you any reason to doubt him or her. Think about how the other person behaved when you were together and objectively assess your relationship.
It matters more how she treats you now than how she treated you before she found out who you were.
It’s natural to be cautious about trusting others, especially if you’ve been hurt before. When you start to feel suspicious or jealous, tell yourself to stop.
Remain objective and focus on your partner’s current words and behaviour.
14. Respect your partner’s privacy.
Never pry into your partner’s affairs or read their messages or emails. Think about how you would react if someone violated your privacy.
Instead of spying, discuss your concerns with him or her if you have reason not to trust him or her.
Even though you’ll discover the evidence, approaching them with it will make them feel like you’ve invaded their privacy.
You will both be defensive and accusatory, and neither of you will be able to have a meaningful discussion with the other person.
Distrust does not always involve deception. Suppose your partner has a history of binge drinking or drug use.
If you’ve seen him or her drink a lot or have sudden mood swings, you may not believe them when they claim it was in the past.
15. Discuss with your parents any actions that make you distrust the other person.
Raise your issues in a calm atmosphere. Prepare by thinking about what you want to say and coming up with specific reasons why you don’t trust your partner.
Try not to make accusations, but talk about specific behaviours that get you off balance.
16. Within reason, try not to worry about memorabilia from your ex-partner.
It’s absurd, for example, to keep a photo of your ex by your bed. But don’t read too much into every memory of your partner’s past relationships.
Keeping mementos does not mean that your partner is still in love with the ex.
Suppose your ex created a beautiful drawing of your partner’s dog. Keeping this artwork does not mean that the other person still has feelings for the ex.
It does not mean that he or she would still want to be with his or her ex if he or she uses her favorite mug to sip his or her morning coffee.
It is important to remember that you cannot pretend that the past never happened. Even if your partner is nostalgic, they are still committed to you.
Don’t let the past get in the way of your relationship, as long as he treats you well and you are both happy.
Thank you for reading this article about how to accept your partner’s past and I really hope that you take action my advice.
I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.