If you’ve ever wondered how to stop being people pleaser, this article is for you.
Do you tend to put other people’s needs ahead of your own? Perhaps you worry about becoming unpopular. Perhaps you were raised to prioritize others. Whatever the reason, if you practice, learning to prioritize your needs will come naturally.
Saying “no” to some requests instead of “yes” to everything can help you adapt faster. Set some boundaries, speak openly, and let others know you value their opinions. Above all, however, schedule some time for self-care.
In this post, we’ll discuss everything you need to know about taking initiative and developing the ability to put yourself before others.
How To Stop Being People Pleaser:
1. Learn to be comfortable saying no.
Maintain your own boundaries and respect yourself. Start saying “no” if you often say “yes” to requests, even if you don’t feel like it or if such an action would stress you out. Self-satisfied people may fear letting others down, which is rooted in a lack of self-confidence. Remind yourself that you are amazing; people like you for you, not for what you can do for them. You don’t have to give justifications or try to argue your way out of it. Just say “no” or “thank you.”
Start with small things, firmly saying “no” to anything small. For example, if you’re too tired to go out for a walk with the dog, but your partner wants you to, say “No. Please take the dog for a walk in the evening.”
You can also act out scenarios with your buddy to practice expressing “no.” Have your friend ask you to do certain things, and then answer “no” to each of his requests. Each time you say “no,” pay attention to how you feel.
2. Present empathetic, understanding arguments.
Without bullying or insulting people, present your requirements. Some people confuse being firm with being harsh, but you can express your needs in a kind, helpful way. While expressing empathy for the other person and his or her needs, be firm when you find that you are unable to help.
Say, “I realize how important it is for you to have a great birthday party. I wish I could provide that for you, but I’m not in a position to do so right now.”
3. Delay your answer.
You have more time to consider your options if you wait before responding. You can answer “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” when someone asks or tells you to do something. Even though you may feel obligated to answer in the affirmative, you don’t have to. Take a moment to consider that you have a choice about how to answer when someone asks you a question.
Say to yourself, for example: “I have the option of saying yes and staying or going home and saying no” if someone asks me to work late on a project.
4. Make your requirements a top priority.
Everyone else is subordinate to your goals and responsibilities. It may be easier to decide what to accept and what to reject if you are aware of your priorities. When facing a difficult choice (1), decide what is most important to you and why. If you’re not sure, make a list of your requirements (or opportunities) and prioritize them.
For example, you might prioritize taking care of a sick dog more than going to a friend’s party.
5. Speak up for what you want.
When it comes to reaching your goals, be proactive. Speaking your mind is perfectly acceptable and doesn’t have to mean making demands. It’s a huge improvement simply to let others know that you are a person with your own preferences. Speak up if you often try to please others by doing what they want, rather than expressing your own preferences.
Say you want Mexican cuisine next time if your buddies choose Italian, but you prefer Mexican food.
Don’t be afraid to express your choice, even if you agree with it. For example: “I like the other movie better, but I’ll see this one too.”
Stay on the defensive. Without getting angry or blaming anyone, express your demands. Be as decisive, composed, firm, and polite as you can.
6. Set time limits for helping others.
If you decide to help someone, at least set a time limit. Set a time limit if you agree to help someone. You don’t have to defend your boundaries or justify why you need to leave. Declare your boundaries and leave it at that.
For example, say: “I can help you in the evening between six and nine o’clock” if someone asks you to help mow the lawn.
7. When they will not cross the border, help others.
Understand when and where you will and will not tolerate something. Your values and boundaries are similar. They help you establish a comfort level. When someone asks you for something, you don’t always have to give it to them right away. Let yourself think about it, and then speak up. This will give you some time to think about it, assess your tension level, and consider possible conflicts.
Say “no” if the request requires an immediate response. Once you say yes, you are powerless.
Don’t use this as an excuse not to say no. Simply decline the offer if you must or want to, without making the other person wait.
Take some time to think about your rules and rights if you are unsure of your boundaries. There may be physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual boundaries.
8. Discover how to compromise.
When you can’t please everyone, including yourself, try to find a way. A great strategy to be heard, stay within your boundaries (2), and find common ground with someone is to make a concession. Before you express your own desires, pay attention to what the other person wants. Find a solution that meets the needs of both parties.
If you want to go for a walk, but your companion wants to go shopping, for example, start with one activity before moving on to the other.
9. Increase your sense of self-worth.
You will stand up for what you want if you feel good about yourself. Your value as a person is not determined by what others think of you or their approval. It comes solely from you. Stay surrounded by positive people and be aware of your own self-esteem issues. Stop criticizing yourself for your mistakes and pay attention to the way you talk to yourself, such as labeling yourself an unlikeable person or a loser.
Treat yourself as you would a close friend and learn from your failures. Be kind, compassionate and understanding.
Pay attention to any tendency to please others. This is usually a sign of low self-esteem.
10. Give up blaming others.
After all, you only need to worry about pleasing yourself. You simply need your own approval. Some people simply can’t be pleased, despite your best efforts. To make others like you or approve of you, you can’t change their perceptions or emotions. Those choices have to be made by other people.
You may not be able to pull this off if your goal is to gain a circle of friends or prove your kindness to your grandmother.
Thank you for reading this article about how to stop being people pleaser and I really hope that you take action my advice.
I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.