If you are searching on how to have good conversations then this article is for you.
Most people when they hear the word conversation what comes to their mind is two people talking to each other, if you think that, you are wrong. A conversation is more than just talking to each other. A conversation is more of creating sync between the two people which allows them to share an understanding. A good conversation helps you see what it is not there, hear what is in the other person’s head, see things the way the other person sees etc.
How To Have Good Conversation
1. Make the other person the focus of the conversation.
This I actually simple to do, we always have an internal need to be heard and that is why it is always very important to learn to listen very carefully about what the other person is saying. If you don’t listen carefully you will end up not understanding the goals and what is important to that person. You need to show them that you are getting whatever they are saying, because if you don’t they will be too concerned about their feelings and they won’t be able to listen to you.
Focus on the other person and listen carefully don’t be that kind of a guy who always makes the conversation about them. Go inside the other persons head and know what he or she values and their view of the world. It is very easy to find yourself finishing the other person’s story but if you find yourself in such position stop because you actually don’t know the full story. At times there will be that awkward moment when both of you are silent, if you have nothing to say, just embrace the silence because you might end up making a fool of yourself.
2. Learn to listen to what is not said.
I guess you get the point am trying to derive home here, body language is very important and if there is a mismatch between what the mouth is saying and facial expression then something is not right. Focus on the channel of the communication like environment, body language and baseline temperament. Know what the nonverbal cues are telling you and how they can be used to improve the conversation
3. Don’t follow the news.
It might sound crazy or funny but think about how many times have you stopped a person in the middle of the conversation because you believed you knew the end of the story? I bet it is many times, if you don’t follow whatever the news are saying daily there is a chance you will have good listening skills and probably even happier. Give yourself a break and stop checking social media for about a week. Instead pick up a book and read. After taking the break, assess your moods and the overall quality of your conversation. Okay being realistic, it might be hard to avoid the news so just minimize your exposure to them.
4. Have some communication experiments.
As they say practice makes perfect, so you need to have some experiments in order to get better. Things always get better with time if you use that time wisely. Speak to a new person when you are in the grocery store, if you see a person wearing a shirt with a picture of your favorite superhero talk to him, ask the staff of the cafeteria how they are doing etc. by that you will be improving your conversational skills. Keep it in your mind that every conversation is a learning experience.
5. Get yourself some conversation hooks.
Starting a conversation might seem difficult but it is actually very simple because there is no magic trick really needed to start. You just need to spot some hooks from the other person. Each person is different and each conversation is unique so there is no possible way of having a single conversation hook for all conversations. The best way of getting a conversational hook is by looking at what the other person is wearing. Try using these conversational hooks in your next conversation and you will notice that they make a conversation so much easier.
6. Avoid passing on a negative vibe.
During a conversation it is very crucial to avoid passing on a negative vibe about yourself because you are not just talking to the person you are having the conversation with. Most people will learn something about you and mostly share with their friends. So it is very important share something that will bring a positive impact on their lives. Also it is very important to make the conversation lively by sharing something that made you laugh or something that learnt recently.
7. Deepen your relationships.
Asses the relationships you are having recently and see where they land on the pyramid. Try to see want you can do to move relationships of the lower level to a higher level. Don’t push them though, take is step by step.
8. Avoid arguments.
This one is straight forward, arguments are for losers, plain and simple.
9. Know when to walk away from a conversation.
Sometimes it is just not worth it trying to talk to someone who is practically impossible to talk to. What am trying to say is that there are those kind of guys who have some power plays and dominates every conversation especially in a group conversation. Don’t try to change their minds coz you won’t just walk away.
10. Always prepare for tough conversations.
Sometimes you will be required to provide feedback which the other person won’t be necessarily very happy to hear. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, be honest and direct to the person.
Having a good conversation is not as hard as many might be tempted to think. All you need is to learn how to have good conversations and I believe you have learnt something about the same.