How To End a Toxic Relationship: The Ultimate 11-Step Guide

This new article will show you everything you need to know about how to end a toxic relationship.

So you’ve made a decision. You decided to end a toxic relationship in which you are stuck. The question is, how to do it – step by step? In this article you will find 11 ways to wisely, calmly and effectively end your toxic relationship.

How will the tips described in this text help you?

The breakup will be easier and less emotionally engaging (which of course is not always possible) for you and your partner; Separation will be more effective and thus avoid re-engaging in the relationship. After leaving your partner, you will be able to quickly rebuild your life, without dragging your memories and emotions with you. Of course, not all steps will be suitable for you and your relationship. Each of us has a different approach to life and relationships. Each relationship works on different principles.

However, there are so many ideas that you will surely choose what you need for yourself – so that you can put an end to a toxic relationship in a thoughtful way, once and for all.

How To End a Toxic Relationship:

1. Check your decision

If you really want to end this relationship, make sure you have made the right decision before you take any action. That you have decided to do it deep down in your heart and you want to do it with all your heart. It’s important because being confident in what you’re doing will help you get through the process much more efficiently.

Keeping your doubts alive can only make you change your mind with some behaviour on the part of your partner and you will have to start all over again. It can be emotionally destructive, so it’s better to do it once and for all.

If you still have doubts, either let it go or close your eyes here and now, direct all your attention inside and say to yourself, “No matter what, I’m doing it. That is my decision.

2. Find peace in yourself

Once you have made your decision to break up, the relationship no longer exists in your mind. It is important for you to realize this at this stage – you are already free. Yes, you have a difficult task ahead of you – communicating this to your ex-partner – but that doesn’t change the fact that the relationship has already ended. Take a deep breath and find space and inner peace in yourself. This will allow you to concentrate on the process, approach it carefully and wisely.

If you need more ideas to calm your emotions, take a day trip alone – without a phone or computer. Take the time to refresh your mind, get used to it and come to terms with the decision you made.

3. Get ready mentally

This is one of the most important stages in this process, and I will therefore repeat it here. If destructive beliefs are part of your way of thinking, it’s worth you undermining their truthfulness. They are components of your mental addiction, which is worth freeing yourself from even before you end the toxic relationship. They force you to be passive and take away the strength, which you particularly need now.

  • She’ll change for sure, and we’ll be happy finally;
  • It’s all because of me;
  • Losing this person is worse than living alone;
  • Loneliness is terrible;
  • Suffering is part of true love;
  • When I end this relationship, I will never find anyone for myself again.

Write each of them down on a separate sheet of paper and then symbolically tear them into little pieces. One by one, saying goodbye to these limiting thinking habits. You can also write down on a new page beliefs that are the opposite of the above, e.g. “Loneliness is great”. For each such belief, list 3 reasons why the thought is true.

4. Imagine life without this person

One of the reasons why breakup is so difficult is because we have a very clear picture of the future in our minds. No matter how many years you are together, the vision of a happy future is a natural part of even these unhappy relationships. When suddenly this image is to fall apart into small pieces, what stays in its place? A terrifying black hole.

From a psychological point of view, it is normal for us to be afraid of what we do not know. Therefore, the key to freeing ourselves from difficult emotions is to build a new image of life – this time without a partner. Such an image will give you a sense of security and will make it easier for you to take the next steps.

Give yourself some time in peace and quiet, sit back and close your eyes. Imagine what your life could be like when you are free from a toxic relationship. How will this freedom affect your work and well-being on a daily basis? What will you do in your free time? What will your life look like in a few years from now? Fill your imagination with dozens of images from the future in which you are happy – as a single or in another healthy partner relationship.

SEE ALSO: What Are The Signs That Your Partner Is Controlling & Possibly Dangerous

5. Prepare what you want to communicate

Preparing yourself properly for a conversation in which you tell your ex-partner everything is a key step in the whole process. Clearly expressing your feelings and communicating your decision directly will help you to free yourself from this person once and for all. It is worthwhile to write down everything you want to say on a piece of paper. When you approach this exercise for the first time, just write down what comes to your mind. Don’t think whether it’s worth talking about something or not, you’ll think about it in the next stage. Now just put everything you have in your heart on paper.

Put it away for a day or two, then go back to the written text. Now you can think about it again. Think about which issues are important to you and which are not and you can skip them. Re-write the whole text or make a note using the keywords. This form of preparation will make it easier for you to conduct a difficult conversation.

When preparing the content of your speech, pay attention to three things:

– I encourage you to start the conversation by saying that the decision has already been made and that nothing will change it. Let your ex-partner know that you have thought it over and over and that you are sure of what you are doing. Ask the ex-partner not to try to convince you – make it clear that you will not change your decision anymore. This is important because it will at least to some extent discourage your partner from using manipulative tricks to get you off balance.

– Let go of any toxic messages like “it’s all because of you” or “you ruined my life”. This will only make the process more difficult, both for you and for the other person. It can also initiate mutual accusations and instead of trying to express what’s on your heart, you will fall into a trap of mutual blame.

– If you really feel like you need to say everything you’ve been suppressing for months or years, do it. However, do not judge the other person, but talk only about your emotions (instead of “You are a loser, say “I felt lonely, because I lacked support in you”).

6. Write an e-mail

This point is optional. I know how difficult such conversations can be. Sometimes even if you’re well prepared, you won’t be able to say even half the things you wrote down on a piece of paper because of the emotion. If it helps you, you can write an e-mail before the meeting. Write in it that you want to meet, but that you will start with an e-mail – because it is easier for you to express and arrange your thoughts.

Describe everything you feel. Present the motives for your decision. Underline that the handle has already collapsed and that this is what you want. Offer to meet on neutral ground. It’s worth meeting in a public place to avoid shouting and throwing plates.

Thanks to this form of the first message, the further conversation will be based on the fact that the other person knows everything that you want to convey to her. You will be able to quietly repeat what is most important to you, discuss the formalities and “officially” end the relationship.

7. Don’t get involved in emotional games

There is a good chance that your partner will do everything they can to keep you with them when they talk about breaking up. It will make it harder for you to end the relationship in any way you can. He or she can cry loudly and say that she can’t handle it alone in life. She can make a victim of herself and build up a sense of guilt in you. She can insult you and call you selfish. She may even blackmail you.

Remember that these are all games that are designed to manipulate your emotions. Repeat that despite all these games you will not change your mind. If your partner needs to break up loudly and full of tears, accept it. You are no longer connected with this person – let him or her deal with it the way she can.

8. Schedule 2 weeks after the breakup

A good plan will help you avoid the feeling of being lost, which often involves a strong desire to return to your partner. First of all, remember to avoid contact with your ex-partner after you leave. Do everything you can to avoid conversations and meetings. This is very important at this stage, because every conversation can reopen a wound that has just begun to heal.

Immediately plan as many different activities as possible. Talk to your friends and family.. Take an extra project at work. Leave for a few days. Sign up for yoga, dance lessons, mma lessons. Fill in the time you could spend lying in bed and thinking about your finished relationship with activities that will take your mind away.

SEE ALSO: How To Get People To Listen To You: 8 Best Things You Can Do

9. Remember the reasons for breakup

Remembering the best moments is the thing that causes the most pain after a breakup. A small object is enough to create an avalanche of images associated with the wonderful moments of life with this person. However, you must remember that this is a cunning way for your subconscious to force you to return to the old, “safe” scheme. Pleasant memories create the illusion that the relationship was better than it was in reality.

Therefore, your exercise will be completely opposite. Visualize regularly the most unpleasant moments that were the basis of your decision to part. Remember why you decided to end the relationship. This will make it easier for you to take the next step:

10. Don’t change your decision

At least for the first two months. If you later decide that you can’t live without this person and that you really want to try again, that’s fine. You will be able to consider this and prepare yourself properly for the work on the union (of course if the ex-partner also wants to). However, returning to your partner too soon after the breakup will almost always be a disaster.

It will probably hurt twice and you will probably have to go through the breakup again. Give yourself time to break your addiction to this person. Give yourself time to learn to live alone, to regain balance and inner peace. Then you can do whatever you want, but if it comes to your mind to go back to a partner you’ve been in a toxic relationship with, think twice before you tell him anything.

11. Enjoy your freedom

Find joy in being free from emotional manipulation, quarrel and blame. Learn to breathe fully and focus on yourself. Start taking care of yourself in different ways. It can be difficult at first, but the more you concentrate on it, the quicker you will remember what happiness is.

Thank you for reading this article about how to end a toxic relationship and I really hope that you take action my advice. I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.

Przemkas Mosky
Przemkas Mosky started Perfect 24 Hours in 2017. He is a Personal Productivity Specialist, blogger and entrepreneur. He also works as a coach assisting people to increase their motivation, social skills or leadership abilities. Read more here