How To Figure Out What You Want In a Relationship: (12 Ways)

This article has everything you need to know about how to figure out what you want in a relationship. 

It can be challenging to determine precisely what you seek from a relationship, particularly if you’re young or lacking experience. Despite having prior dating experiences, every relationship is distinct, and your priorities may have evolved over time. Although identifying your relationship requirements can be a time-consuming task, the effort is worthwhile.

How To Figure Out What You Want In a Relationship:

1. Creating a list of non-negotiables can be helpful in determining what you want in a relationship.

Sometimes, it’s easier to identify what you don’t want rather than what you do. To start, you can make a list of criteria that would immediately disqualify a potential partner.

According to research, common deal-breakers for those looking for a long-term relationship include exhibiting abusive or angry behavior, dating multiple people simultaneously, being untrustworthy, already being in a committed relationship or married, having health issues like an STD, struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, being inattentive, and having poor hygiene.

2. Identifying personal values that are non-negotiable in a relationship can be useful.

Personal values can serve as a guide for the kind of life one desires. While it’s unlikely that a romantic partner will share all the same values, it’s crucial to know which principles and beliefs one is not willing to compromise.

For instance, if honesty is a core value, it would be challenging to have a partner who frequently lies. It’s also likely to cause friction in the relationship if the partner expects one to lie. To identify core values, one can answer a few questions and look for recurring themes.

These include asking oneself what changes they would like to see in their community and why, the two people they respect or admire the most and the traits they admire about them, the three items they would rescue if their home caught on fire and why, and the moment in their life that made them feel fulfilled and what happened to make them feel that way.

3. Reflecting on past relationship patterns can also be beneficial.

It’s essential to examine past relationships, including romantic, platonic, or familial ones, and identify the factors that led to their dissolution. This includes considering what aspects of those relationships left one feeling unhappy or dissatisfied.

One can write down any negative patterns discovered from past relationships that didn’t meet their needs. These problem areas can serve as a foundation for determining what one doesn’t want in the future.

4. It’s also essential to think about any issues observed in relationships around oneself.

Other people’s relationships can have an impact too. Perhaps one has spent time with friends or family members who were in romantic relationships, and even though on the outside, they were aware of the problems these individuals experienced.

For instance, one’s sister may have been devastated after her boyfriend cheated, and supporting her through that time made one realize the significance of faithfulness in a relationship. It’s crucial to take note of any red flags observed in others’ relationships that one doesn’t want to happen in their own. Learning from the mistakes of others can be helpful in enjoying a more fulfilling relationship in the future.

SEE ALSO: How To Be More Affectionate To Your Partner: (20 Ways)

5. Prioritizing self-love is crucial.

Many individuals search for a romantic partner to complete them, which is a mistake. Your partner should complement you, and you should already feel complete on your own. Being complete implies having self-love (1) that doesn’t depend on anyone else’s love.

It’s essential to show love to oneself by creating a list of favorite qualities, speaking to oneself in a gentle and caring way, being aware of inner needs and desires, taking care of one’s body, managing stress, and avoiding dwelling in the past, living in the present instead.

6. Consider the type of relationship you desire and be impartial towards yourself.

It will help you identify the kinds of people you need to avoid and behavioral patterns you must change. Knowing what you don’t want in a relationship can help you figure out what kind of relationship you do want.

For instance, you may think that you’re ready for a committed relationship, but deep down, you’re not. Alternatively, you may believe that you’re only interested in a casual relationship, but based on past experiences, you realize that you get emotionally involved too easily.

7. Revisit your list of deal-breakers and turn them into positive qualities that you want in a partner.

Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, use that information to identify the traits you do want in a relationship. For instance, if you had listed drug or alcohol abuse as a deal-breaker, you might turn it into “a partner who prioritizes physical and mental well-being.”

You should also add other qualities that you desire in a partner, including things like intelligence, empathy, and patience. Consider adding traits like religious beliefs and political views if they’re important to you. Be honest with yourself and don’t overlook anything, even if it seems insignificant or embarrassing.

8. Expressing who you truly are is an essential part of finding your ideal partner.

By embodying the qualities that you desire in a partner, you can determine if your expectations are realistic and evaluate what you are willing to contribute in a relationship. It is unfair to expect certain traits without demonstrating them yourself. But, personifying the qualities you are searching for can make you a desirable partner and attract someone similar to you.

For instance, if you value physical fitness and well-being in a partner, focus on your own health for a month by eating healthy, exercising, managing stress, and getting sufficient sleep. You can continue these good habits after the month is over.

If you listed “being rich” as a desirable trait, but you know it is unrealistic for you to become wealthy overnight, consider modifying this quality to “financially stable.”

SEE ALSO: How To Fall In Love With Your Partner Again: 10 Inspiring Ways

9. One of the best ways to determine what you want in a relationship is to start dating casually.

This allows you to test the waters and meet people who meet your standards by going out for coffee, ice cream, or drinks. However, it’s important to know your boundaries before jumping into this realm. You may not want to become physically intimate with multiple people simultaneously, and you should communicate that you’re casually dating to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.

It’s also a good idea to set a timeline for when you should stop seeing someone if you don’t feel a connection. If you start feeling more attracted to one person or if someone seems to be getting serious, it’s best to cut ties with others and follow your instincts.

10. Evaluate the compatibility of different potential partners.

While dating a few people casually, consider how each person aligns with your personal values, goals, and aspirations. Ensure that no one possesses any qualities from your deal-breaker list.

It’s important to prioritize your own wants (2) and needs as you get to know each person better. As you spend time with these potential partners, you may naturally feel a stronger connection with one person. It’s essential to cut off ties with any other suitors so that you can focus on building a stronger relationship with this person and maintaining fidelity.

Remember, even if someone appears to be a good match on paper, there may not be any real chemistry in person. If that’s the case, it’s better to move on to another suitor rather than trying to force something that isn’t there.

11. When we start a new relationship, it’s easy to see our partner through a perfect lens.

However, this idealization will eventually fade away, and it’s important to think about what the relationship will look like in the long term. Take a step back and consider whether the things that annoy you now will become deal-breakers later on. Look at your list of desired qualities and make sure you haven’t been ignoring any important values.

For instance, if cleanliness is important to you, can you handle your partner’s messy habits in the long term? Remember that everyone has quirks, and it’s essential to differentiate between minor annoyances and non-negotiable traits. Don’t end a relationship for small reasons, but also don’t overlook any deal-breakers.

12. It’s important to communicate openly with your partner about your feelings and where you stand in the relationship, especially if you feel like you are compatible with each other in terms of values, goals, interests, and outlooks on life.

Have an honest conversation about your intentions and make sure your partner feels the same way. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that you can change their mind if they are not interested in a long-term relationship. To have this conversation, ask your partner for some quiet time and express your feelings about the relationship.

For example, you might say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. I wanted to see how you felt about our connection and where we stand?” It’s important to find out if your partner sees a long-term future with you and if they are ready to commit to a mutually exclusive relationship.

To figure out what you want in a relationship, there are several steps you can take.

First, make a list of your personal values, goals, and needs. This will help you clarify what you are looking for in a partner.

Next, embody the traits you desire in a partner. This will not only make you a more attractive partner, but it will also help you assess your own expectations and what you are willing to give in a relationship.

Casually date a few potential suitors to evaluate compatibility and see how well each person matches up with your values, goals, and dreams. When you feel a natural connection with someone, cut off ties with other suitors and focus on strengthening the relationship.

Visualize the relationship beyond the honeymoon phase and consider whether any annoyances or deal-breakers will be magnified over time.

Communicate with your partner about your feelings and where you stand in the relationship. Be straightforward about your desires and make sure your partner feels the same way before moving forward.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read my article about how to figure out what you want in a relationship. I sincerely hope its contents have been a good help to you. +

Przemkas Mosky
Przemkas Mosky started Perfect 24 Hours in 2017. He is a Personal Productivity Specialist, blogger and entrepreneur. He also works as a coach assisting people to increase their motivation, social skills or leadership abilities. Read more here