If you want to know how to fight for your relationship after a breakup, you’ll love this article.
Relationships are difficult. Dealing with the other person’s different personalities, desires and expectations is difficult and sometimes the best of us have difficult moments or doubts.
On the other hand, such relationships are generally worth the effort-and sometimes even worth fighting for.
If you want to save your relationship, you need to reconnect with your ex-partner, deal with the past and then accept them as they are.
How To Fight For Your Relationship After a Breakup:
1. If necessary, apologize.
When one or both spouses are hurt – whether by an altercation, reckless language, or lingering resentment – the relationship becomes difficult to maintain.
Everyone goes through this at some point. When you make a mistake, the most important thing is to reach out and apologize. An apology demonstrates your commitment to your wife and the relationship.
To apologize effectively, you must be sincere, detailed and aware of the hurt you have created. Accept responsibility for the loss of trust or respect in the relationship.
This does not mean that you take all the blame, but it does mean that you accept responsibility for your role.
Be honest and precise in your responses. Apologise only to make amends and to make amends, not for any other reason. At the same time, be clear about what you are apologising for and how it has hurt the other party.
Avoid apologies that are worded in generalities. They are insincere and do not take on any obligation.
Demanding an apology is not a good idea. Although mutual forgiveness is key, your partner may need time to express their emotions. Demanding an apology will look like you are accusing your partner of the entire situation.
2. Pay attention to your partner.
An apology is just the beginning of the process of restoring the relationship. It won’t make the situation better, but it will help break the ice and begin the healing process.
If your companion reacts emotionally or otherwise interrupts you, don’t be surprised. But resist the temptation to speak up and make excuses; instead, be kind, compassionate and attentive.
Avoid being stubborn and insisting on “finishing” your story. Your first instinct may be to correct or contradict your companion, but resist that impulse and instead let him or her speak.
Patience allows your companion to speak freely without fear of retaliation because it shows that you are sincere about repairing your relationship.
It is important to remember that the purpose of an apology is to repair the partnership. It is not about proving who is right and who is wrong.
3. Be open to an agreement, just don’t go too far.
Let your partner know that you want the partnership to be saved. On the other hand, agree that some things take time.
If you give in to the temptation to accuse your spouse of something, especially if he or she has become defensive, you will only drive them further apart. Allow yourself a little respite while still maintaining the possibility of reconciliation.
Make it clear that you are able to talk whenever your partner is too. Make it clear that you are willing to communicate with him.
At the same time, in times of disagreement or pain, people often seek physical and emotional distance. Acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s desire for space; do not create pressure.
4. Seek therapy together or individually.
Therapy isn’t a cure-all, but it will help you discuss and sort through problems and learn how to relate more effectively to your spouse.
If your relationship is at risk, consider marriage therapy. Going to therapy on your own can be beneficial.
If you are having trouble connecting, trusting each other, have become isolated and are “just living together,” or if one of you is driven by bad thoughts, ask your spouse to go to therapy with you.
Seek out a psychologist with whom you both will interact. This may take some time to work out. Ask about the prospective therapist’s qualifications, education, experience and ability to help, as well as their success rate.
Think of the psychologist as a consultant, not as someone who will do everything for you. While the psychologist will provide guidance, the entire process of repairing your relationship will take place outside of your meetings with the therapist.
5. Be prepared to delve into the past.
To fight for your relationship, you need to confront your problems instead of avoiding talking about them. If you are working with a psychologist, be prepared to have a deeper discussion about your relationship.
This will not be quick. It will entail revisiting old grievances, discussing resentments and sharing difficult comments.
Be prepared to pay attention to your partner. The trick is to enter a state of empathy and tap into past emotions.
Allow yourself to vent your frustrations. But still do it with tact. Instead of blaming or excusing past actions, try to reflect on the underlying motives; you may discover that they were not as manipulative as you assumed.
Recall what brought you together. There was some explanation for the fact that you and your wife met at all. Try to think about why you liked each other in the first place and whether you can rekindle that passion.
6. Learn to show your emotions in a positive way.
Being able to talk about your emotions (1), and even disagree with them, is very important as it can help you discover your motives and needs.
This will help you and your partner to reassess your expectations of each other, and to express your needs simply and openly.
If you are in therapy, make sure you and your psychologist talk about how to communicate effectively.
Stick to the principles of good contact and equal treatment. Stay away from broad generalisations.
Stick to the truth in order to be accurate. Discuss what you require of your partner, not what you think they fail to do.
Do not interrupt; instead listen and repeat what you have said.
7. Accept your partner as they are.
To really fight for your relationship, you need to accept your spouse’s personality, including any attitudes or actions that you hate or resent.
This is not an easy task. However, if you want to save your relationship, it is a necessary task to perform.
Consider this from another perspective.
Suppose you have always despised your partner’s sloppiness. Try to put yourself in his shoes and look at it from his perspective: is he really that dirty, or are you unnecessarily obsessed with tidiness?
Accept that you have little influence over your partner’s past or upbringing. Seeing his or her ‘misbehaviour’ as a result of childhood or strongly held priorities and ideals will help to ease anxiety.
However, keep these limitations in mind. You are not obliged to tolerate harmful or aggressive actions in any way.
8. The sense of superiority has to be let go.
You will have to compromise on things like behaviours and actions to save the relationship, and you will still have to compromise on the feeling that ‘you are right’.
This mentality is not typically beneficial. It will stop you from changing your mind about your relationship or yourself.
Remind yourself that just because one of you is right does not mean the other is not.
Your partner’s differing viewpoints should not invalidate your own; they are simply different.
For example, your views on how to behave, talk and socialise respectfully – may be very different from your spouse’s.
But one of these viewpoints is not inherently better than the other. They are that different.
9. Respect and honour your partner’s requirements.
Building empathy is perhaps the most critical aspect of the relationship struggle.
Accepting your partner’s point of view and beliefs (2) can lead to a concerted commitment on your part to meet their mental and physical needs to the best of your ability, without compromising your own.
Be willing to make concessions as long as your partner’s needs do not conflict with your own ideals.
Suppose your wife places a high value on faith, but you do not. Are you able to help them with this aspect of their life?
For example, suppose you and your partner have been arguing about affection and now you understand that your partner shows affection differently than you do, whether through gifts or actions.
Are you interested in exploring this ‘difference’? Making the effort to do your part will increase your partner’s sense of worth.
10. Find out if your ex is committed to saving the relationship
We often feel compelled to fight for a relationship that has ended or is about to end. This is a fairly common occurrence.
According to research, as many as 50% of young adults re-friend at least once after a breakup. To see if your ex is truly committed to regaining a relationship with you, try to decipher these signs.
Be discreet. If you overdo it, your ex will get annoyed, so it’s better to keep your distance, at least at first.
Don’t push for touches and don’t make your friends convince him or her.
Try to get clues from social media, mutual friends and even your ex-partner if you are in touch with him.
Remember that there is always a high probability of saving the relationship.
11. Make contact with each other.
Regardless of whether you’re really involved in a relationship with your ex and have reason to believe he or she is too, you need to make contact.
Try to do this without publicity. For example, send your ex-partner a quick reply on Facebook or email. Be concise and non-intrusive; otherwise you will scare him or her away.
Make sure you have a reason for starting the conversation.
Let your ex’s response guide your next steps. If the answer is short, the chances of reconciliation are slim. A more enthusiastic response may indicate that he or she is interested.
If the response is constructive, try to arrange a meeting. For example, ask to talk over coffee or a drink. Make it clear that you’re looking for a quick meeting without any commitment.
I want to thank you for taking the time to read my article about how to fight for your relationship after a breakup. I sincerely hope its contents have been a good help to you. +