How To Fix a Relationship You Ruined: 12-Step Guide

This new article will show you everything you need to know about how to fix a relationship you ruined.

Everyone makes mistakes, and if you made one that resulted in your significant other being upset with you, it can be a worrying situation. But, if you’re looking to repair the relationship and bring back what you had, we have some tips for you. Give these suggestions a try to help restore your bond.

How To Fix a Relationship You Ruined:

1. If you and your partner are not communicating, make the first move to reach out.

You can do this by sending a message or calling, or even meeting in person. As the one who made the mistake, it’s your responsibility to take the initiative and make amends. If your attempt is ignored, wait a bit and try again, but if there’s still no response, it might be time to move on. It’s never too late to reconnect, even if it’s been years since you last spoke.

To initiate the reconnection, you can send a message like, “Hi Kris, it’s been a while. Would you be willing to chat sometime soon? I have some things I’d like to say.” or “Susan, please call me. I want to make things right and apologize for my mistake.”

2. When trying to make amends, take responsibility for your actions.

Avoid making excuses and acknowledge the harm you caused. Explain your actions, but accept all the blame and don’t try to deflect it onto others. This step is different from simply apologizing, as it shows that you understand the impact of your behavior before you say “sorry.”

For example, you can say, “I know I hurt you by insulting your job. I was stressed, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior.” or “I failed to make enough time for you and that was wrong. My schedule shouldn’t take precedence over our relationship.”

3. An sincere apology can go a long way in repairing a relationship.

Make sure to mean what you say and not just apologize to appease the other person. Clearly state what you are apologizing for to show that you understand the harm you caused.

For instance, you can say, “I’m sorry for the hurtful things I said when I was angry. You didn’t deserve that and I know it hurt you.” or “I deeply regret not spending more time with you. I’m sorry for neglecting our relationship.”

4. To repair a relationship, listen to the other person’s perspective.

Allow them to speak without interruption and take the time to truly understand their feelings. This is particularly important in romantic relationships where your partner might need to explain why your actions hurt them deeply.

Avoid interrupting them and ask follow-up questions to show that you are actively listening. For example, you can say, “Can you tell me more?” to show that you are engaged in the conversation.

SEE ALSO: How To Not Hold a Grudge Against Someone: 17 Practical Tips

5. Recognize the emotions of the other person and acknowledge them.

Show that you understand the impact of your actions and why they feel the way they do. This conveys to them that you acknowledge your mistake and want to avoid causing them similar pain in the future.

Try expressing this by saying something like, “I understand why you’re upset,” or “I can see why that would make you feel that way.”

6. Offer to make amends and inquire about what specifically can be done to repair the relationship.

After having a conversation about the issue and offering an apology, ask the other person if there’s any specific action you can take to make things right. It may take time for them to come up with a solution, but be patient.

When repairing a relationship with a partner, they may want more honesty and openness, while repairing a friendship may require prioritizing the relationship more. However, they may also express that nothing can be done. In that case, allow them space and time to heal (1).

7. Give them a break if necessary.

They might need time to heal by themselves. If what happened was serious, fixing your relationship might take longer than a day. Ask if they need space and respect their answer if they do. Don’t reach out to them until they contact you first. This allows them to take a step back and reflect. Being patient is important here.

If you’re trying to reconcile with a partner who you live with, consider staying with a friend for a few days to give each other some room. Say something like, “I’m going to stay with Marc for a bit to give you some space in the house. I really want to work things out.”

8. Demonstrate to the person you hurt how much they matter to you by taking concrete actions.

Depending on the situation, you can find ways to demonstrate that you want to fix the relationship.

For example, if you’ve said something hurtful to your partner about their importance, take steps to show them how much they mean to you. If you’ve offended a friend, let them know how much you appreciate their friendship and how highly you regard them as a person.

SEE ALSO: How To Communicate With Assertiveness: 16 Strategies

9. Avoid repeating the same mistake.

Examine what caused the error and take measures to prevent it from happening again. Everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to keep repeating them.

If you’re uncertain about why it occurred, consider seeking help from a mental health expert (2). They can assist you in breaking down the issue and providing advice on how to move forward.

If you tend to lash out when you’re under stress, find ways to manage it, such as reducing your responsibilities or reducing stress levels. If anger led to you mistreating someone, learn healthy methods of communication and expression. If mistrust caused false accusations against your partner, work on building trust and creating a positive relationship.

10. Transform your error into a valuable lesson.

Convert your error into a lesson to be learned. Try to see the silver lining and what you can gain from the situation, for example, if you neglected a friendship for other people, you might have realized the importance of putting effort into maintaining those relationships.

If you hurt your partner by speaking hurtfully in an argument, you may have realized the importance of speaking kindly, even when emotions run high. If you falsely accused your partner of something, you may have recognized that you need to address your trust issues.

11. Understand and respect the outcome.

The person you hurt may choose to forgive you or not. Their healing process and relationship with you may determine if they need more time or if a separation is necessary. You cannot control their decision, so you must respect it, no matter how it may impact you.

12. Consider couples therapy with your partner.

If you and your partner want to improve your relationship but are not sure how, couples therapy may be beneficial. In therapy, you can talk with an impartial third-party about what happened and receive guidance on how to avoid repeating the same issues.

Therapy can provide a safe space for you and your partner to work on your relationship. If you are also struggling with individual issues, individual therapy may be a helpful addition.

In this article, we have discussed ways to fix a ruined relationship.

In conclusion, the first step is to apologize and talk through what happened. You can then ask the other person if there is anything you can do to make it right.

Give the other person space if needed, show them how much they mean to you, take steps to prevent the same mistake from happening again, and turn the mistake into a lesson. You have to accept their decision, whatever it is, and you can also consider going to couples counseling or individual therapy.

Thank you for reading this article about how to fix a relationship you ruined and I really hope that you take action my advice.

I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.

Przemkas Mosky
Przemkas Mosky started Perfect 24 Hours in 2017. He is a Personal Productivity Specialist, blogger and entrepreneur. He also works as a coach assisting people to increase their motivation, social skills or leadership abilities. Read more here