Here, you will get to understand 25 super tips on how to deal with anger.
This guide will not only tell you about some cool tips to control anger, but it will also help you in understanding anger, its causes, and consequences it brings with it.
We wish you a happy and anger-free reading!
How To Deal With Anger
Let’s start first by understanding what the word ‘Anger’ means.
What is Anger?
Anger is a strong feeling or an emotion of displeasure that results in negative and unpleasant thoughts, actions or behaviour in an individual. People get angry due to numerous reasons like at times when they feel:
It is one of those traits of human beings that has the tendency to destruct, in an extreme condition though, if not controlled and managed properly and in time. Such destruction can be of a place, person, feelings, or materialistic things and property.
It must however be noted that anger is caused more out of one’s reaction towards a particular situation or person’s behaviour than the situation or the person himself.
Now after understanding what Anger is, let’s figure out how to deal with it. For this, we have compiled a set of 25 tips for anger management. Each tip has been explained individually for easy and better understanding.
Before we learn how to tame anger, let’s have a look at some of the most common myths associated with anger management:
Anger is caused due to an external element or an event and people do not have control over their own emotions
Truth: No one lese but we ourselves are responsible for our behaviours whether good or bad. If people start being responsible for their own behaviour, it becomes easier for them to control their emotions.
Expressing anger is a healthy way of expressing feelings. For example; some people say they feel much better after expressing their anger.
Truth: Expressing anger or frustration is certainly not a healthy habit as this can bring along major health problems like incresed blood pressure and heart diseases.
You either express anger or supress it inside. There is no third choice for you.
Truth: This is not true as there is actually a third option out there for you. You can go in for a reduced anger by modifying your thoughts or indulging in self-talk.
If you are angry, people will give you importance and they will respect you.
Truth: What might seem like working in the beginning can also turn against you as relationships also get affected due to bad anger levels.
After knowing the common myths surrounding Anger, let’s read the ways to combat this bad habit.
Your results will vary based on their skill level and individual perception of the contents herein, and thus no guarantees, can be made accurately. Therefore, no guarantees are made.
So, it’s time for Anger Management Tips!
1: Think Before You Speak
During that moment when you are extremely angry, you are most likely to say nasty things that you will later regret. Always remember to think twice before you speak. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others caught up in the situation to do the same.
The main causes of anger are vast and depend on a number of factors. Researchers have shown that mood is one of the key factors for anger, i.e. the state of mind of the person at a particular point of time is critical; however it is not the only one.
Other factors as well contribute to it like thought process, stress level, body language, tolerance for frustration, impulsive behaviour and so on. It is to be noted that one’s surroundings also play a vital role in this.
2: Once you’re Calm, Express Your Anger
As soon as your thoughts become calm, articulate your aggravation with an assertive but non-confrontational approach. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to manage them.
There are many causes of anger burst in human being. It can be surroundings including the kind of environment one lives in, the people, personal situations, family circumstances, occupational events etc.
If a person usually stays in a negative frame of mind, then even the smallest action or dialogue can cause frustration, leading to anger and then further could lead to physical violence.
3: Get Some Exercise
Indulging in physical activities can help in reducing your stress levels and thus will also aid in managing anger to a considerable level. For example, when you feel your anger level is raising, then try brisk walking, running, or other physical activities and see what an amount of good change it can bring for you.
Anger affects both the physical and mental health of a person. When a person is annoyed, his heart rate increases, breathing rate increases, blood pressure shoots up, muscles tend to get tense etc.
Hard memories and experiences from the past can lead to impulsive feelings. Similarly, oppressive treatment from others like family members or close friends can also lead to impulsive or aggressive feelings in a person. These kinds of emotional traumas do not just impact the mental health of a person but can also manifest physically in terms of rage.
4: Identify Possible Solutions
Instead of concentrating on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Try finding the solutions that can help you in some possible ways. Think about the triggers that bring in the devil in you.
Do your kids often have their rooms cluttered? If yes, then close that door and take a break. Do not listen to the compulsions of having to go and clean up.
Is your spouse often late for dinner? Then relax and do not get angry as it will harm you and you only.
Find alternatives. You can plan out your meals later in the evening — or consent to eat on your own a few times a week. Jog your memory that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it shoddier.
5: Stick with ‘I’ statements
To avoid criticisms or placing culpability — which might only augment tension — use “I” statements to explain the dilemma. Be courteous and particular about what you wish to explain.
For example, say, “I’m disappointed that you left the table without offering to help with the cleaning,” as an alternative to saying, “You never do any work and you are lazy and disrespectful.”
Our anger becomes a problem that needs immediate care and attention particularly in times when it elevates too much, gets too aggressive or violent, happens at regular intervals and/or spoils personal or professional relationships.
6: Don’t Hold a Grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.
Different people react differently when angry. Some react instantly by saying or doing whatever first comes to their mind, which is in most cases unpleasant or aggressive, while others take a more positive approach towards solving the issue or situation at hand.
7: Use humour to let go of your tensions
Always remember that it is necessary for today’s human beings to take things lightly and in its stride. Be jolly good fellow by using humour in your daily life and make sure you laugh out loud each day at some point of time.
Lightening up can help disseminate stress and pressure. Use your funny side to assist you in facing what’s making you angry and, perhaps, any impractical expectations you have for how things should go. Keep away from using sarcasm, as this aspect can hurt feelings and make things worse.
8: Practice Relaxation Skills
When your anger flares, put your recreation skills to work. Try doing some relaxing deep-breathing exercises. While doing it, you can take yourself into a different world. You can go on imagining yourself in a calming scene.
Try saying good phrases to yourself, like ‘You can do’ and ‘Take it easy’. Go on and listen to good music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatsoever it takes to give confidence to you to come in relaxation mode.
Try noticing your breath pattern. It is very common when someone becomes irritated for changes to occur in their breathing. They can begin to gulp air, thinking that they are going to suffocate, or can begin to breath really quickly.
This is known as over-breathing. It has the tendency of making them feel giddy and therefore tenser. It can lead to unpleasant feelings but is not hazardous.
9: Know when to look for Help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.
In case of road rage, it may even lead to the death of a person if the one who is angry doesn’t control himself and gets too violent with the other. These types of incidents are even witnessed for real where people have actually lost their lives due to a minor car or bike accident that took place on the road.
10: Learn Relaxation Techniques
Try walking in calm and serene places like gardens or beaches once in while. Physical exertion can help for brief, short-term anger, says many authorised doctors and psychologists.
If you start to feel yourself becoming concerned or nervous, controlling your breathing can be a very good way to make yourself feel soother. Nobody will notice you are doing this exercise, so you can use this technique wherever even in busy shops, on buses and when you are with other people.
11: Think- This Is a Phase and This Will Get Over
In an acute angry stage, it’s a good idea not to confront the person straightaway. Instead, take some time to allow your-self to calm down and think in a more rational manner.
Be considerate and kind to yourself and make sure you know that this difficult phase will also get over soon and moreover be proud for being strong enough to undergo such difficult times and situations.
Slow down and think about what you want to say (1). Explain that you feel angry about something rather than acting aggressively. Listen carefully to the other person before you respond.
In case of a prolonged argument between a husband and wife, the husband may lose his temper completely and break some precious equipment of the house like T.V., table, phone and so on.
In similar cases, anger can cause serious consequences for people in terms of loss or damage to personal or professional relationships or even legal troubles.
13: Try Visualizing Technique
Start communicating to people in your office and neighbourhood and see how they react. There are times when we feel if a particular person would even consider talking to us. We also make our conclusions about the person’s behaviour and character based on nothing but our own conclusions.
Also, there are times, when we feel extreme hatred for certain people and that too without much reason.
Next time if you feel the same, try visualizing making things easy and fun-filled for you. For example, if you think of a co-worker as a “dirt bag”, visualise them as a bag of dirt going about their day.
14: Seek Substitute Options
One should always think about the positive and feel that there is always a way to seek the alternative options for every situation.
If you too are undergoing certain issues that bring in rage in you, then you should be able to find out the possible things that bring in anger in you and once you identify those factors, you can always work towards them to have your way out of the issues and always find solutions too.
For example, if it is the daily commute that brings in anger and provokes you to commit uncontrollable road rage, then you can consider opting for different transport forms or a job closer to home.
15: Evaluate the Pros and Cons of the Situation
First you need to evaluate the positive and negative side of a situation that might come your way. You can first start by asking yourself if the anger that is coming out of me is of any use to me.
Ask yourself, “Is the anger achieving anything, or is it just hurting me?” Edelman warns, “Some people are reluctant to let anger go because they see that as a victory to the other person.”
Try and converse or talk about what your feelings really are, rather than getting into a fury and using angry words. Most often what is behind anger is panic, hurt or disappointment. Of course, first you need to try and be clear in your own mind why you feel angry.
16: Use Problem-Solving Skills
There is always a way to handle the situation by asking yourself, “If I can do anything about this problem?” If your answer is NO, then it’s better to move on.
Women still try to deal with their anger in ways like crying, talking to their near and dear ones, but men on the other hand find it hard to deal with anger as they have less tolerance for frustration. Another reason for such behaviour in men is that in some families, it is being taught right from the birth of the male children that they are stronger than their sisters.
If the boy cries, than it is said that weeping is considered to be a trait of girls and not boys. These kinds of childhood teachings by parents tend to shape the mind of males while they grow up in such a way that they aren’t able to withstand things in their stride, particularly when it comes to a woman. Of course there are men who are exceptions to this but yes the majority of the gender behaves in this manner.
17: Accept the Situation
Be acquainted with the fact that some things in life just aren’t fair. There are times when we need to simply accept the situation. Every so often, we have to accept that injustice is a part of life.
We all need to understand that this is how life works and we all come under situations where we feel helpless and hopeless, but that’s OK as life often functions in such way. Do not worry and hold on. Be proud of yourself as to where have you reached despite of all your life struggles.
18: Stop Taking Things Personally
People who are angry and annoyed often take things personally and feel hurt by it. They look for and look ahead to criticism from other people. They always feel others might be scheming at their back and would also be saying nasty things to other people and getting involved in back biting.
If for example Raxy went to a nearby shop. There he saw a person he knew personally. However that person did not speak to Raxy in a shop on a particular occasion. This led Raxy to conclude that so and so person dislikes him. When in reality, the fact was that person was just worried about something or was a little shy to come forward and talk to Raxy.
On the other hand, there are also times when Raxy feels if someone looks over at him they may think how stupid he is, when in fact the person was just glancing over without any such thought.
19: Divert Your Focus from Negative Thoughts
People who often get angry tend to focus their thoughts on unconstructive and negative thoughts and thus they ignore the likely positive or good events.
People who develop the habit of getting frequently into angry mode are the ones who often expect too much from themselves or those around them. If these mind-set standards of their imagination are not met, then they feel deficiently let down and hurt. This hurt turn into the malicious feeling we call anger.
20: Stop Jumping To Conclusions
It is not wise to keep judging others and jumping to conclusions about what others might be thinking or saying about you and your work. The idea is not be more of a mind-reader but you can actually ask people to tell what they think.
If someone is sounding self-protective or critical, don’t straight away jump into fight back mode. Try and comprehend the feelings behind what is being said. It may be that the person feels anxious, hurt or unloved. If you can, keep calm and try to find out more about how the other is feeling. Then a row or fight can be avoided.
21: Understand the Gender-Wise Trend
Different trends can be seen in men and women. Anger is mostly seen more prevalent in males than females. Experts state that it is men who find it harder to deal with emotional displeasure and tend to get annoyed and lose control of their senses sooner than their opposite sex.
Now, there are a number of reasons towards this behaviour too. Being stronger in terms of physical strength, some men believe they have an edge over women and they are superior to them.
So, when challenged intellectually or even emotionally, men tend to react in an aggressive manner by use of abusive language or even physical violence. However, there are always exceptions and you will also find some women having more aggression and more anger in their daily life.
22: Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of You
We all need to understand the fact that if someone nearby is saying something to someone, then it is not necessary that they might be talking or gossiping about us only.
For example, Sally has a friend who agreed to come with her to watch a newly released movie. Sally even made sure to book movie- tickets in advance and also went to pick her friend, but her friend failed to come along due to some urgent work at home.
This was the time when Sally felt extremely angry and hurt and decided not to talk to her friend ever gain in her lifetime. This was despite the fact that the friend was good and generous to her on many other occasions.
23: Use Empathy to Control Anger
Empathy is the capacity to understand what another person is experiencing from within the other person’s frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another’s shoes.
Always try to see the situation from other person’s side also. Try wearing their shoes to see what they are undergoing. If another person is the source of your anger, use empathy to see the situation from his or her perspective.
You can be the objective here. Everyone makes mistakes, and it is through mistakes that people learn how to improve. Empathy will help you in managing your anger (2) to great extent.
24: Practise Forgiveness
Try being a little extra forgiving next time and you would see a big change in your perspective and behaviour. The longer you hold on to the grudge, the more painful emotions you will experience, the more turbulence you are putting on your body, the more damage you are inflicting on your long-term health and wellness.
Unable to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. And there’s no way around it.
25: Avoid Miscommunication
Learn to listen effectively and it will help you avoid misconceptions and miscommunication.
Miscommunication contributes to frustrating situations. The better you listen to what someone says, the easier it is to find a resolution that doesn’t involve an angry response.
So, improve your active listening skills. When others are speaking, focus on what they’re saying, and don’t get distracted by formulating your response before they’ve finished. When they’re done speaking, show that you listened by reflecting back what they have just said.
We all need to understand that anger, frustrations, helplessness, and bad feelings are never going to yield anything for you.
However, if you hold on to your positive thoughts and brave outlook, you can come out as a successful soul.
With this, we wish you all the best in your life!