This new article will show you everything you need to know about how to build rapport with people.
There are many techniques and methods around about building rapport. However, the top one is one proved to work best by persuasion experts. It makes sense when you learn it. It’s just human nature. It’s fun to do and will allow you to make many new friends.
The basis of the technique is the reason people group together. It’s what makes people truly connect. There is a reason that many get instant rapport. You’re about to find out what it is.
From now on you will be able to create instant rapport at will. You can use it in any situation. At a party, in a sales situation, at work, or whatever. What’s more, you’ll have a lot more fun using it.
It’s simple to do. It has nothing complicated to learn, like NLP or body language techniques. You’ll be able to use it straight away and with maximum effect.
First you need to understand the real reason people are attracted to and bond with others. After that you’ll be able to understand the technique and find it easy to use.
How To Build Rapport With Anyone:
What attracts people to people
Think about the people you like or liked in the past. What is it about them that drew us? To help you understand, let’s look at others who get on.
Groups of people have certain things that make them stick together and get on so well. In a bar or restaurant you’ll often see groups out for a meal. They could be work colleagues. If you listen closely you’ll probably find the conversation tends to be around work. Not always, but nearly always.
A groups of lads in a bar who have just been to watch a sports event. Like football or baseball. Listen closely. The conversation will be invariably be about the sport.
A group of students will be out together. What are they talking about?
Look at people who are together. What are they wearing? What are they talking about? Where are they from? What ages are they?
When examining these people you will find similarities. They will share a common interest. They will like similar things. They may be all around the same age. You’ll often find people who are the same weight out together.
The fact is, people like others who are similar to them. Why is this?
We know that they will approve of us because they are the same or similar. We can talk about the things we are interested in with someone who shares our interest.
Let’s examine the first point. A popular television show was hosted by a woman who’s weight used to go up and down. She would slim down for a while. Later, her weight go up again. This used to happen quite regularly.
They noticed that when slimmed down that the larger viewers stopped watching. When she started putting on weight these viewers would start switching on again. Why was this?
They decided to ask them.
The viewers commented that they thought she wouldn’t like or approve of them any more, now she was slimmer. Like she would somehow scorn them for their weight. However, when the weight went back on, they knew she would not judge them and like them instead.
Think about the people you like or have liked. I bet you’ll find someone you both shared. This could be a mutual friend. You both liked certain things. You shared a hobby or passion. You came from a similar background. The list goes on and on.
What this all goes to show is that we like others who are similar to us. The reason is that we feel they
like and approve of us. We like then because we think they like us.
This brings us to the secret of instant rapport.
How to do it
Remember, people like us because we like them. Therefore, since we know we like people who are to similar to us in some way, we need to look for similarities. We need to look for a reason for you to like them. It’s a two-way street. You like them because you think they like you. They like you because they think you like them.
So how do you look for similarities?
Look for similarities
Look for things that you have in common. Listen. Ask their opinion.
For example, you may notice that they drink a similar drink to you. It may seem like a small thing but this can often be the tip of the iceberg. Once you start talking about how you like the same this can often start a conversation. From there, it’s likely you’ll start finding other things you share. The person may have lived in the same area as you for a long time. You could talk about how things have changed. Places that have come and gone. These could lead to finding out you share other interests. All from just a simple drink.
You may be in a supermarket and someone complains about the prices and what they should do about it. You may have the same opinion as them. Let them know and share your views.
Think about people who talk about the state of world affairs. This is often referred to as ‘putting the world to rights’. However, what is going on is that you are showing your opinions which match or are similar. This creates instant rapport because you have something in common.
Listen to what people are saying. If you share a view, then comment on it. You may hear someone talking about the safety of children in the area. If you feel the same or similar, mention it.
Take notice of what drink they have. What clothes are they wearing? What jewellery have they got on?
Start a conversation and ask them about things you may have in common. Where they are from? What they do for a living? What places they like going to?
However, you don’t have to make it sound like the Spanish inquisition. Make it a request for information. For example, if you want to find out what bars they like going to, ask them what ones they’d recommend. These will be the ones they go to.
Ask someone for their opinion on something. Something in the news. The area. Places to go. People love talking about their viewpoint. Get them talking and you may find it hard to get a word in.
Let’s now look at the many similarities you can look for. This list is by no means exhaustive.
Where you live or have lived is a good similar. This means you will have seen and experienced the same things. You will both likely share opinions on things in the area.
You may meet up with someone who grew up in the same place or area as you. If will be able to talk about things as they used to be. If the person lives there and you’ve moved on, you could ask them how things have changed.
You can often talk for hours on this subject. People with this similarity often bond very well.
Especially if you shared your childhood there.
How many times have you been out and noticed groups of people of the same age? They will quite often share many interests.
Younger people will share favourite sports, bars, night clubs, hobbies, and opinions.
More mature people will often share similar opinions and views. This is a brilliant bond as you can enjoy getting each others knowledge and experience.
When I used to sell on the telephone, I used to always point out if some was born in the same year as me. This quite often got us talking about how things were then. We would talk about things that have changed for the better or worse.
Likes and dislikes
Foods. There’s food for thought. (Pardon the pun.)
People often like others who share the same taste in food.
I used talk quite a lot to someone who loved Indian food. I just love curry. We used to spend a lot of time talking about the different restaurants and takeaways. He was very knowledgeable about the different spices and I learned a lot.
As long as there’s people, their will be people who like things, and others that won’t. That’s what gives the world spice. (There I go again. Curry mad.)
People like and dislike certain music, films, places, etc. Find out what likes and dislikes you share with someone.
“Do you come here often?”, may be an old corny chat-up line. However, if you find out someone likes
going to the same place as you, then this is something in common.
This could be a local bar or restaurant. A holiday destination. Favourite town or city.
You could find out that someone comes from the same area as you do. Maybe you both grew up there.
There will be lots of memories and things you could talk about.
Every time that I mentioned I’ve come from or lived in an area like the other person, the reaction has always been very positive.
Keep your eyes and ears open for these places. It could be where you were born. A place that you lived. I holiday resort you love. It’s a great similarity that gets instant rapport.
This follow on from likes and dislikes. However, it is always good to find out if someone shares your opinion.
For example, people will often have thoughts on the latest news stories. If it’s big news, nearly everyone will be talking about it. All you need to do is ask someone what they think about it. Bam! Instant conversation and rapport.
The cost of living is a subject that just about everyone has an opinion on.
By sharing an opinion, you will form an instant bond and rapport. You will be of like minds. Like minded people always get on together.
You generally find people of similar dress code together. Think of suits and ties, jeans and tops, dresses, etc. It’s almost like a uniform. You would probably feel out-of-place if you turned up for a party wearing a suit and tie and everyone else was wearing jeans and tops. The feeling is because you are out of the ordinary. The odd one out. People tend to dress with the same type of clothes when they are together.
Plan before you go out. Try to dress in similar clothes to others. This will give you rapport on a subconscious level when you’re there.
Along with clothes comes hairstyles. This may or may not be something you can do anything about. Take me for example. I have no hair. However, hairstyles can be something that can enhance rapport building.
Think of it this way. If you are out with a group of people and they all have coloured streaks in their hair and you don’t, then you will be the odd one out. Of course, it is up to you whether you want to do the same.
Interests and hobbies
There are countless interests and hobbies. No doubt there is a new one invented all the time. People who share the same interest or hobby is a very strong bonding thing. You will build rapport very quickly by looking for one that someone shares with you. Most people will usually have more than one. Therefore, by a little listening and probing, you can usually find the one you share.
When you do mention that you also have the same interest or hobby. You’ll get instant rapport. No doubt you’ll both enjoy talking for hours about it.
Films, music, books, shows, night clubs. These are all forms of entertainment. You can usually get someone to talk about things like these very easily. By talking about the favourite film, music, book, or whatever else you both like, you will find you get instant rapport. Remember, rapport is when people are similar. This especially applies to favourite entertainment. The similarity is that you both like the same things.
This is an obvious one. Sports enthusiasts will often talk about this subject for hours. And with passion.
Football, baseball, tennis, golf, etc. You’ll immediately be accepted as one of them if you show the same interest.
If you are a collector, then someone who is the same as you will get on like wild-fire. I agree that it will not be that often you’ll find a stranger who is a collector like you. However, if you do then this is definitely the one to connect with.
Don’t lie be genuine
Do not lie. You will be found out and it will be embarrassing and not do you any favours.
I have a background in telesales. That is selling over the telephone by contacting potential customers.
It was a hard job.
One of the things which help your selling, is creating rapport with the customer.
I’ll tell you a little story. There was one person who used to make things up to create rapport. Whenever someone said that they had a hobby or interest, he used to say that he shared the same interest.
One day a customer said that they were a keen golfer. True to form our friend said that he also played golf. This naturally caused the other person to start talking about it. They also asked the advisor questions about it. It wasn’t very long before he was caught out through his lack of knowledge of the sport.
It ended in a customer complaint. The customer explained that he felt it was unethical to lie just in order to try and manipulate. The experience was no doubt very embarrassing for the advisor. Hopefully, he learned from the experience and didn’t do it any more.
The thing is, you don’t have to lie to create instant rapport. There are endless things that you can look for that you share with the other person. Also, it will be fun talking to someone about what you like.
Don’t try to create rapport in a devious or manipulative way. You don’t need to.
The secret in a nutshell
You now know how to create instant rapport. All you do is look for something the other person has in common with you.
Listen, ask questions, and observe the other person. Look for something that you both have in common.
When you do, mention it and start talking about it.
Use the list above to open your mind to the many things you can look for. The list is by no means complete.
From now on you will be able to create instant rapport at will. You can use it in any situation. At a party, in a sales situation, at work, or whatever.