This new article will show you everything you need to know about how to overcome low self esteem.
If you struggle with low self-esteem, its effects can reach into almost every part of your life. It can make everyday experiences less enjoyable, affect your relationships, and quietly chip away at your happiness. The good news is that low self-esteem isn’t a permanent condition. You can change the way you see yourself, but it takes time, patience, and consistent effort. It won’t happen overnight. Still, the payoff—greater confidence, healthier relationships, and a stronger sense of self-worth—is well worth the work.
How To Overcome Low Self Esteem:
1. Recognize that many people struggle with low self-esteem.
First, understand something important: you’re not alone.
Millions of people struggle with self-doubt, negative self-talk, body-image concerns, and feelings of inadequacy. In fact, research has found that only a small percentage of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.
Low self-esteem can look different from one person to another. Some people constantly criticize themselves. Others avoid challenges, withdraw socially, or feel uncomfortable accepting compliments.
Recognizing that you’re not the only person dealing with these feelings can make them seem less overwhelming—and more manageable.
2. Identify the thoughts, feelings, physical symptoms, and behaviors connected to low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem isn’t simply a personality trait. The thoughts, emotions, physical reactions, and behaviors associated with it can feel so familiar that you may start believing they’re simply “who you are.”
They’re not.
Negative thoughts aren’t personality characteristics. Neither are anxiety, self-criticism, avoidance, or constantly comparing yourself with other people. These can be patterns associated with low self-esteem—and patterns can change.
- Start by recognizing the specific thoughts, feelings, physical reactions, and behaviors you want to improve.
- Once you can identify them, you have something concrete to work on.
3. Pay attention to your inner monologue.
Listen to the way you talk to yourself.
When you have low self-esteem, negative thoughts can become so automatic that you barely notice them. They may appear almost like a reflex whenever something goes wrong or you find yourself in an unfamiliar situation.
You might hear thoughts such as:
- I’m too weak, not skilled enough, or not smart enough.
- I hope they don’t think I’m a jerk.
- I’m too fat, too thin, too old, too young, or something else.
- Everything is my fault.
- I have to be perfect at my job.
- My boss didn’t like my report. I must be a complete failure at work.
- Why bother meeting new people? They probably won’t like me anyway.
The first step isn’t to argue with every thought. It’s simply to notice it.
4. Pinpoint how you feel about yourself.
Thoughts and feelings are closely connected. Unfortunately, the emotional reaction created by your inner dialogue can feel like proof that your negative beliefs are true.
For example:
- I feel so ashamed because my boss didn’t like my report.
- I’m angry with myself because my boss criticized my work.
- I’m frustrated with my boss. He never likes anything I do.
- I feel anxious or panicked around people I don’t know because they’re probably judging my body.
- I’m not strong enough to compete, so there’s no point in trying.
- I feel anxious most of the time.
Notice the pattern. Something happens, you interpret it in a particular way, and then you experience an emotional reaction.
Learning to separate the event from your interpretation of it can be a powerful step toward building self-esteem.
5. Look for physical signs associated with low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem isn’t limited to thoughts and emotions. Your body can respond to insecurity and anxiety, too.
Some possible physical signs include:
- I have trouble sleeping most of the time.
- I’m tired almost constantly.
- My body feels tense.
- When I meet someone new—or find myself in another uncomfortable situation:
- I sweat heavily.
- The room seems to spin.
- I can’t catch my breath.
- I blush easily.
- My heart feels like it’s pounding out of my chest.
Not everyone with low self-esteem experiences these physical reactions. But if you notice a consistent connection between certain situations and physical symptoms, it’s worth paying attention to.
6. Examine your behavior and how self-esteem may be affecting your life.
Sometimes your behavior reveals a self-esteem problem more clearly than your thoughts do.
Ask yourself whether any of these statements sound familiar:
- I rarely go out because I don’t want people to see me.
- I have difficulty making decisions.
- I don’t feel comfortable expressing my opinions or standing up for myself.
- I don’t believe I’m capable of handling a new job, even when it’s a promotion.
- I get upset very easily.
- I argue with people in my life frequently.
- I become defensive and yell at my family.
- My friend constantly calls me “Cat.” I don’t like it, but I’m afraid to say anything because I might lose the friendship.
- I’m too self-conscious to have sex.
- I have sex even when I don’t really want to.
- Everything I do has to be perfect.
- I continue eating long after I’m full.
- I restrict myself to one meal a day because I’m afraid I’ll gain weight.
None of these behaviors automatically proves that you have low self-esteem. But if several of them sound familiar, they may be worth exploring.
7. Learn to recognize negative thoughts.
Whether you realize it or not, your own thoughts can keep you trapped in a cycle of low self-esteem.
The good news? You don’t have to accept every thought as truth.
Start noticing the negative self-statements that appear throughout the day. Once you recognize a recurring pattern, you can begin challenging it instead of automatically believing it.
You may even want to create a list of the negative thoughts you hear most often. Over time, you’ll probably notice that many of them fall into familiar categories—self-criticism, comparison, catastrophizing, mind reading, or all-or-nothing thinking.
Awareness comes first. Change becomes much easier once you can see the pattern.
8. Stop being your own nagger, putter-downer, and name-caller.
Imagine having a friend who followed you around all day.
This friend constantly told you that you’re doing everything wrong. They called you stupid, reminded you of every mistake you’ve ever made, told you that you’re worthless, and insisted you’ll never accomplish anything.
How long would you tolerate that friendship?
Probably not very long.
Yet people with low self-esteem often speak to themselves in exactly this way. They criticize themselves for mistakes they would easily forgive in someone else.
Pay attention to that internal voice. If you wouldn’t speak to a friend that way, ask yourself why you believe it’s acceptable to speak to yourself that way.
9. Stop generalizing from a single mistake.
A generalizer takes one negative experience and turns it into a conclusion about their entire life.
One mistake becomes evidence that everything always goes wrong.
For example, imagine stepping into a pothole. Someone caught in this pattern might immediately think:
- Why do things like this always happen to me?
- I’m cursed.
- I never have any luck.
But one bad moment doesn’t prove anything about your entire life.
A mistake is a mistake. A disappointing experience is a disappointing experience. Try to keep it in perspective rather than turning it into a permanent description of who you are.
10. Fight the urge to compare yourself with everyone else.
Constant comparison is a reliable way to make yourself feel inadequate.
There’s always someone who has more money, a better body, a nicer house, a more impressive career, more followers, or something else you wish you had. If you constantly measure your life against other people’s lives, you’ll almost always find yourself falling short.
For example, a comparer might think:
- Look at that. My neighbor has a Hemi truck. I could never afford one. I’m such a failure.
But owning a particular vehicle doesn’t tell you anything meaningful about your worth as a person.
Instead of asking, “How do I measure up against everyone else?” try asking, “Am I making progress compared with where I was before?”
That’s a much healthier benchmark.
11. Challenge the voice that catastrophizes.
Catastrophizing means taking one negative event and immediately imagining the worst possible outcome.
A single problem becomes a disaster. One setback becomes proof that your entire future is ruined.
For example:
- I got a B in this class instead of an A. Now I’ll never find a job.
That’s a huge conclusion based on one grade.
When you catch yourself catastrophizing, pause and ask: “What do I actually know right now?” Separating the facts from the imagined consequences can quickly bring the situation back down to earth.
12. Remember that you’re not a mind reader.
Mind reading is the habit of assuming you know what other people are thinking—usually something negative about you.
The problem is simple: you don’t actually know.
For example:
- That guy is staring at me. He’s probably thinking I’m a freak.
Maybe he is. But maybe he’s distracted. Maybe he recognizes you. Maybe he’s simply looking in your direction.
Your brain may offer an explanation instantly, but an assumption isn’t the same thing as evidence.
When you catch yourself mind reading, ask: “What evidence do I actually have that this is what the other person thinks?”
Often, you’ll discover that the answer is: very little.
13. Commit to reducing negative self-talk.
Constant negative input can gradually wear down your self-esteem. If you’ve spent years criticizing yourself, however, you shouldn’t expect your internal dialogue to change in a single afternoon.
Changing deeply ingrained thought patterns takes practice.
Start small. Notice one negative thought. Question it. Replace it with something more balanced. Then do it again tomorrow.
- Small improvements are easier to maintain than dramatic changes.
- With repetition, treating yourself with greater patience and respect can become more natural.
You don’t have to eliminate every negative thought. The goal is to stop automatically believing everything your inner critic says.
14. Learn to distinguish between opinions and facts.
One of the most important skills in improving self-esteem is learning to separate facts from interpretations.
Our thoughts can feel incredibly convincing. That doesn’t make them facts.
A fact is something that can be objectively verified, such as:
- I am twenty-two years old.
You can verify that information with your birth certificate.
An opinion is different:
- I’m always stupid.
That’s not an objective fact. It’s a judgment about yourself—and one that can be challenged.
Someone might respond, “But I’ve done stupid things. When I was eight, I fell off the stage!”
Okay. But making a mistake doesn’t prove that you’re stupid.
Perhaps an adult was responsible for supervising the situation. Perhaps the environment wasn’t safe. Perhaps you simply made an ordinary childhood mistake.
People make mistakes. Everyone does. Even highly intelligent and accomplished people have made plenty of them.
Instead of collecting evidence that supports your negative beliefs, deliberately look for evidence that challenges them. Think about the times you’ve made good decisions, solved difficult problems, helped someone, learned something quickly, or accomplished something you once thought was difficult.
Your history contains more than your mistakes.
15. Start a self-esteem journal.
Once you’ve identified some of the beliefs and thought patterns contributing to low self-esteem, start recording them.
A self-esteem journal gives you a place to examine your thoughts instead of letting them run unchecked through your mind.
You can use a notebook, a document on your computer, or a spreadsheet. A spreadsheet can be especially useful because you can create separate columns for thoughts, memories, feelings, behaviors, reality checks, and action plans.
The format doesn’t matter nearly as much as consistency.
The goal is to create a record you can return to and gradually use to change the way you think about yourself.
16. Become a detective of your negative thoughts.
For several days, keep track of the negative thoughts that pop into your head.
Write them down in a notebook, a document, or whatever format is easiest for you. Don’t worry too much about identifying the exact type of negative thinking at first. If you notice a harsh or discouraging thought, record it.
For example:
- I’m going to fail if I try to make it as a writer.
- Why even bother?
- No one will like it anyway.
- Nobody has anything original to say anymore.
- Everything has already been written.
The important thing is to capture the thought as it actually appears in your mind.
Don’t edit it. Don’t make it sound more reasonable. You’re trying to observe your automatic thinking, not write a polished essay.
17. Organize your negative thoughts.
Create a section in your journal called “Negative Thoughts.”
Then organize the thoughts according to how strongly they affect you. Put the thoughts that cause the most distress at the top and the less upsetting ones toward the bottom.
If several thoughts are connected, group them together.
For example:
I’m going to fail if I try to make it as a writer.
Underneath that main thought, you might list:
- Nobody will like my work.
- Everything worth writing has already been written.
- I’m not talented enough.
- There’s no point in trying.
The main statement becomes the headline for the entire cluster of thoughts.
This simple organization can reveal something important: what feels like dozens of unrelated negative thoughts may actually come from just a handful of deeply rooted beliefs.
18. Find the root of each negative thought.
Next, create another column called “Memory/Experience Associated With This Thought.”
When you look at a negative belief, ask yourself where it might have come from. Was there a particular experience, person, criticism, failure, or embarrassing moment that helped create it?
Sometimes a memory will immediately come to mind. Write it down.
For example:
- My father told me I would fail if I tried to become a writer.
Remember, however, that someone else’s negative statement about you is not automatically a fact. It’s their opinion, even if you’ve carried it with you for years.
Understanding where a belief came from can help you see that it was learned rather than objectively proven.
One important exception: if exploring these memories becomes so upsetting that you struggle to function for the rest of the day or week, stop the exercise and consider speaking with a qualified mental health professional. You don’t have to work through deeply distressing experiences alone.
19. Identify the feelings connected to each negative thought.
In the next column of your journal, create a section called “The Way This Thought Makes Me Feel.”
Now look at each negative thought you’ve written down and identify the emotions connected to it. Are you embarrassed? Angry? Anxious? Ashamed? Frustrated? Hopeless?
Putting a name to the emotion can help you see the connection between what you think and how you feel. A thought doesn’t simply stay in your head. It can influence your emotional response, which can then affect what you do next.
For example:
- Negative thought: I’m going to fail if I try to become a writer.
- Feeling: It makes me want to give up.
That connection is important. Once you can see it, you have a better opportunity to interrupt the pattern.
20. Identify how you behave when you have these thoughts.
Create another column called “How I Act When I Think and Feel Like This.”
Think about a recent situation that illustrates the pattern. What did you actually do?
Did you become quiet? Avoid someone? Cancel your plans? Get angry? Cry? Avoid eye contact? Give up on something you wanted?
The purpose isn’t to criticize your behavior. You’re simply gathering information about the connection between your thoughts, emotions, and actions.
For example:
- When I saw writing contests or invitations to submit my work, I ignored them—even though becoming a writer was something I wanted more than almost anything.
That example shows how a negative belief can lead directly to avoidance. And avoidance can make the original belief feel even more convincing.
21. Start changing the way you think.
Now comes the part where you begin challenging those negative beliefs.
You’ve already identified the thought, the memory behind it, the feeling it creates, and the behavior that follows. The next step is to look for a more accurate way of interpreting the situation.
This doesn’t mean replacing every negative thought with an unrealistically positive one.
Instead, aim for something balanced and believable.
For example, instead of:
- I’ll definitely fail.
Try:
- I don’t know whether I’ll succeed yet, but I can improve my chances by practicing and giving it a real attempt.
That’s a much more useful thought. It acknowledges uncertainty without automatically predicting failure.
22. Counter the negativity with a reality check.
Add another column to your journal called “Reality Check.”
Here, write down evidence that challenges your negative belief. Look for achievements, positive experiences, personal strengths, skills you’ve developed, difficult situations you’ve handled, or other facts that don’t fit the negative story.
The goal isn’t to convince yourself that you’re perfect. It’s to create a more complete picture.
For example:
- I’ve had five poems published internationally.
- I’ve also had four magazine articles published.
- I’ve already proven that people are willing to read my work.
- Maybe I haven’t achieved everything I want yet, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure.
Now the original belief—”I’ll never succeed as a writer”—doesn’t look quite so absolute.
This kind of reality checking is particularly useful because low self-esteem can cause people to focus heavily on negative information while discounting positive experiences.
23. Create a positive action plan.
The final column can be called “What I Will Do Now.”
This is where you turn your new perspective into action.
Don’t stop at thinking differently. Decide what you’ll actually do next.
For example:
- I’ll go back to school and work toward my master’s degree.
- I’ll research publications where I can submit my work.
- I’ll continue improving my writing.
- I’ll look for opportunities to get paid writing work.
- I’ll apply for writing jobs.
- I’ll enter contests.
- I’ll keep submitting my work even when I receive rejections.
Your action plan doesn’t have to be dramatic. In fact, smaller, specific actions are often easier to follow through on.
The important thing is to move from “This is who I am” to “This is what I can do next.”
24. Focus on your positive qualities.
Set aside a section of your journal—or create a new spreadsheet tab—for the things you genuinely like or appreciate about yourself.
Freewrite. Make lists. Record small victories.
Don’t dismiss something because it seems insignificant. A healthy sense of self-worth isn’t built only from huge achievements. Everyday strengths and positive actions count, too.
You might focus on:
Your achievements
- I saved my company seven million dollars this year.
- I spend time with my kids every day.
- I’ve learned how to manage my stress better.
- I won an award.
- I smiled at someone I didn’t know today, even though social situations are difficult for me.
Your strengths and personal qualities
- I have a warm, bubbly personality.
- I’m good at giving genuine compliments.
- I’m a great listener.
- I know how to make the people I love feel special.
Your appearance
- I like my eye color, straight teeth, and shiny hair.
- I feel confident when I wear my favorite color.
- I have a friendly smile that makes people comfortable.
- Someone told me I looked great today.
The point isn’t to become obsessed with yourself or convince yourself that you’re better than everyone else. It’s simply to stop overlooking the positive qualities that low self-esteem tends to hide.
25. Identify areas where you would like to improve.
Building self-esteem doesn’t mean convincing yourself that you have no weaknesses.
Everyone has areas they can improve.
The important distinction is how you frame those areas. Instead of labeling yourself as weak, broken, lazy, stupid, or deficient, identify a specific skill or behavior you’d like to develop.
- Don’t think, “I’m a terrible person because I’m disorganized.”
- Think, “I’d like to become more organized because it would make my life easier.”
That’s a completely different mindset.
Setting goals for personal growth isn’t about fixing a defective person. It’s about making changes that can improve your life, your relationships, your work, or your overall well-being.
And when those changes are motivated by self-respect rather than self-hatred, they can support healthier self-esteem.
26. Write down the areas you want to improve.
Create another page or spreadsheet tab called “Areas I Would Like to Improve.”
Underneath it, write:
“Because it will make me happy.”
That final phrase matters.
Your goals should be about building a life that works better for you—not about constantly trying to prove that you’re good enough.
For example, you might write:
I would like to:
- Manage stress more effectively.
- Organize my paperwork.
- Become more organized in general.
- Make time for something I genuinely enjoy every day without feeling guilty.
- Improve my parenting skills.
- Communicate more clearly with the people I care about.
- Become more comfortable saying no when necessary.
These are improvement goals, not declarations that something is wrong with you.
27. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people.
The people around you can have a powerful influence on the way you see yourself.
If you’re already struggling with negative thoughts, constantly hearing criticism, insults, or dismissive comments from other people can make things even harder. Sometimes the people doing it are close friends or family members. Sometimes it’s someone at work.
Whenever possible, reduce your exposure to people who repeatedly put you down. At the same time, make room for relationships where you feel respected, supported, and appreciated.
Think of negative comments as physical weights.
Imagine someone placing a ten-pound weight on your shoulders every time they criticize or insult you. One weight might be manageable. But if people keep adding more, eventually even standing upright becomes difficult.
The same principle can apply emotionally.
Creating some distance from consistently negative relationships can give you more room to rebuild your confidence. And if someone matters to you, it may be worth explaining how their comments affect you rather than immediately cutting them out of your life.
Healthy relationships can support self-esteem, while relationships dominated by criticism or disrespect can make it harder to develop.
28. Practice being more assertive.
Learning to be assertive can help strengthen your self-esteem because it teaches you that your needs, opinions, and boundaries matter.
Assertiveness doesn’t mean becoming aggressive.
It’s not about dominating conversations, getting your way, or making other people feel bad. It’s about communicating honestly while still respecting the other person’s rights and feelings.
People with low self-esteem may struggle to speak up because they’re afraid of rejection, conflict, or disappointing someone else. Over time, constantly staying silent can create frustration and resentment.
You can start practicing assertiveness with a few simple techniques.
29. Use “I” statements instead of blaming statements.
Instead of saying:
- You didn’t take out the trash last night.
Try:
- I feel frustrated when we agree that something will get done and it doesn’t happen.
The first statement can sound like an accusation. That often puts the other person on the defensive.
The second focuses on your experience and explains the behavior that contributed to it.
“I” statements don’t guarantee that the other person will agree with you. They simply give you a clearer and less confrontational way to communicate what you’re experiencing.
And that’s an important part of assertiveness: expressing yourself without attacking the other person.
30. Listen and be willing to compromise.
Assertiveness isn’t a one-way street.
If you want other people to respect your needs, you also need to make room for theirs. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying, try to understand their perspective, and look for solutions that work for both of you when possible.
For example, imagine your friend asks you to drive him to the store.
Instead of saying:
- No. I can’t.
You could say:
- I can’t right now because I have a class, but I can drive you afterward. Would that work?
You’re still saying no to the immediate request.
But you’re also offering an alternative.
That’s assertiveness without unnecessary conflict.
31. Be persistent without becoming aggressive.
You can say no. You can disagree. You can stand up for your rights.
None of that requires shouting, insulting someone, or becoming hostile.
If you’re having trouble getting your point across, one useful approach is the “broken record” technique: calmly repeat your position without getting pulled into an argument.
For example, imagine a supermarket sells you spoiled meat and refuses to accept a return.
You might say:
- I understand. I would still like a refund.
If they continue refusing:
- I understand your position. I would still like a refund.
The idea is to remain calm and consistent rather than getting louder and louder.
In situations involving legitimate complaints, you can also explain what formal options are available to you. The key is to communicate clearly without turning the interaction into a personal battle.
32. Set clear personal boundaries.
You have a right to decide how you want other people to treat you.
That includes family members, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and people you interact with casually.
If someone repeatedly insults you, dismisses your feelings, or crosses a boundary, pretending that it doesn’t bother you won’t necessarily make the problem disappear.
For example, suppose someone regularly calls you a nickname you dislike.
You could say:
- I don’t like it when you call me “Shorty.” It bothers me, and I’d appreciate it if you stopped.
That’s a boundary.
If the behavior continues, decide what action you are willing to take. At work, serious harassment may need to be reported through the appropriate workplace process. At school, you may need to speak with a parent, teacher, counselor, or administrator. If it’s a friend, you may need to reconsider how much contact you want to have with that person.
The important thing is to communicate clearly rather than expecting other people to automatically know what you need.
Setting boundaries isn’t about controlling other people. It’s about deciding what you will and won’t accept and what you’ll do when a boundary is repeatedly crossed.
33. Make time for yourself—even if you’re a parent.
If you’re a parent, it’s easy to put yourself at the bottom of the priority list.
Your children need you. There are meals to prepare, schedules to manage, homework to deal with, and countless other responsibilities. Focusing on them is natural.
But completely removing yourself from the equation can eventually leave you exhausted and disconnected from your own needs.
Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your children.
In fact, children learn from what they see. Your habits, coping strategies, communication style, and attitude toward yourself can all become part of what they observe and learn.
You don’t need hours of free time every day. Even a few minutes devoted to yourself can make a difference.
Take a walk. Read something you enjoy. Exercise. Sit quietly with a cup of coffee. Call a friend. Work on a hobby. Do something simply because it matters to you.
And if you don’t have children, the principle still applies.
You deserve time for yourself, too.
Building self-esteem isn’t about becoming a completely different person. It’s about developing a more balanced and realistic relationship with yourself—one in which mistakes don’t define you, other people’s opinions don’t determine your worth, and your own needs and strengths have a place in your life.
The process takes time. But every time you challenge an unfair thought, recognize something you’ve done well, communicate a boundary, or take a meaningful step outside your comfort zone, you’re practicing a different way of relating to yourself.
