In this new article you’ll learn how to deal with break up of relationship.
Break ups are hard. They take a toll on you emotionally and everyone seems to offer their own advice that may sound logical but have “bridge burning” effects. You’re thinking you don’t have a shot in the world right now.
In reality, what happens AFTER the breakup determines if you have a shot at getting back—even if you did something really unforgiving, there is always hope. You’re here because you want to get back with your ex and not burn bridges right? Do not listen to any of your friends or family at this point.
Hang out with your friends but avoid talking about the relationship as they will be only be on your side and only say negative things about the other person. You’re going to see a lot of advice on the internet from people saying “just move on, it isn’t wise to go back to someone who has dumped you”.
That sounds like a person who has never learned how to deal with breakups and burned every bridge they’ve ever built. In actuality, second time around will be a lot better– you’ve already imagined how it’s going to be. You’re going to hear the following from people:
“Let’s go out, get wasted and hook up with some random people”
“Go to her/his house and take a bat, smash up their car”
“Go to her mom and dad; tell them how much of a slut/player they are”
“Post pictures on your social networking site of you and someone new to piss off your
ex”
“Get really drunk, it helps”
“Let’s go to Vegas and take pictures with random girls. Show your ex you’re doing better without them.”
Do any of those things up there make you look attractive or make your ex want to come back to you? Hopefully you’ve answered NO. If your ex saw a picture of you downing a whole bottle of alcohol in a club setting, they will be laughing at you and think to themselves they made the right decision leaving.
How To Deal With Break Up Of Relationship
The way you get back with your ex is to become attractive to them again. I don’t mean just physically. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on attraction because I am not. What I do know is if you’ve managed to attract that person before, the chances of you attracting them again is very high. If you’ve neglected the gym, go. Eat healthier because it’ll make you feel great. Feeling great will contribute to your confidence level.
Rid yourself of negative thoughts about the relationship. Think of your last relationship as a dead one. It is dead and you want to start over with a new clean slate. Can’t start over when you’re still hung up on why you two were last angry at each other. Luckily, I have a tip for you on how to overcome your anger. It is called the “no contact rule”. It is a legit method which is why I’m sure you’ve heard about it all over the internet.
Breaking contact for a month gives you both space and time to cool off. It won’t even matter what either of you did; in about a month, neither of you will care why you broke up in the first place. This is very important and actually is the hardest part of getting your ex back. Keep this tip on your mind, if you mess this step up, your chances will be much lower. If you already messed it up, it’s not too late to start TODAY.
After one full month you can send a text or call. Hopefully you have healed yourself emotionally– if not, fake it. Keep the conversation short– 3-5 minutes. It is very
important that you remain cool throughout the entire process.
If your ex says they’re dating someone new, remain calm and say “oh good. Glad to see you’re finding happiness. I’m sure he/she is a great person” and change the subject. The objective is to convey that you aren’t angry, you’re thinking of them, and you’re not a selfish person. Do not say straight up, “I’ve been thinking of you” or ask if they’re seeing anyone. Do not convey anger or jealousy if they’re dating someone new.
The phone call in itself already says that you’re thinking of them. Asking if they’re dating makes you look desperate. Being cool with them dating someone new shows that you’re concerned about their best interest, not just yours. You can ask how they’re doing but not what they’ve been doing.
SEE ALSO: How To Attract a Girl To Like You: Psychological Journey Into The Female Mind
Remember, you are no longer apart of their life. You don’t call up your other friends and ask them what they’re doing unless you wanted to hang out right? End the conversation with, “oh shoot I gotta go. Gotta meet up with some friends so I’ll talk to you later.” This first contact is VERY important as it reestablishes you on a positive note in your ex’s mind. Then it’s back into the shadows you go. Back to the gym, hanging out with your friends, and self improving.
I’m going to backtrack to why you should be ok with your ex dating someone new so quickly. It has nothing to do with love. Your ex is looking for an easy way to soften the blow from the breakup. Trust me when I say this, no human being on earth can move on from a serious relationship in less than one month.
There are people who have been through countless breakups so I can’t speak on their behalf. Your ex dating someone new quickly can actually greatly raise your chances of you two dating again. Here’s why! Your ex can not date properly when their mind is fixated on you. When you and your ex first started going out you didn’t constantly compare them to your previous ex right?
You can’t date someone new and be successful if you’re constantly reminded and comparing your new partner to someone else. The moment that relationship fails, your ex will call you for comfort because they already trust you thus reestablishing yourself as a friend will lead to this happening.
Listen to the complaints but once they’ve run out of things to say and start repeating the same things over again, it is your cue to exit the conversation. This shows that you still care but they aren’t your top priority.
If your ex isn’t dating anyone new, skip to the next paragraph. If your ex has found someone new, I have good and bad news for you. It isn’t great that your ex will possibly be sleeping with their new partner but you’ve trained yourself to let go of the previous relationship so you can handle it.
Remember… you two aren’t in a relationship so it isn’t cheating. You can go out and do the same but you’re choosing to get your ex back. This is all part of it if your ex is dating someone new. The good news is that if your ex is dating someone new quickly, the chances of that relationship failing is high.
Figures online suggest about 95% failure rate. During the time of them dating here’s what you can do to help push the process along: be unavailable but be careful not to avoid your ex. They’re going to want to call you for advice on the new relationship. Since you’ve reestablished yourself as a calm friend, they’re going to trust you enough to call you. Ignore 1-2 calls and call back at a later time. “Sorry, I was busy. Whats up?”.
Listen and talk for 2-3 minutes then “I’m sorry but I have a few friends waiting on me. Can we talk about this later?”. You’ve just successfully told your ex that they are no longer a priority.
They will wonder why and it will cause more problems in their current relationship as it will put them in a state of panic as to why their new and old relationships are falling apart.
If your ex isn’t dating someone new, it’s a little trickier to get back with them. They aren’t in a state of panic so mind games won’t work. You need to start thinking and searching for the answer as to why you two broke up. If it’s fixable, do it. The tricky part is presenting that the problem is fixed in a not so direct way.
You need to do so in a way that isn’t direct because that means you’re trying too hard to convince them. You can’t convince anyone to be with you! Luckily Facebook was invented. More likely than not you two have mutual friends and they will be the key to bringing you two back together.
If your problem was that you didn’t have a job, go get one! Post it on your Facebook. Be active on Facebook for about 2 weeks then stop posting all together. Your ex, if they loved you at all, will have their way of being able to gather information about you. Once they find out that the status updates stopped they’ll wonder where you went and start looking for you. Once you get that phone call, be cool and excited at the same time.
Convey that you’re surprised they had called and then you can casually slip in your accomplishments in a non bragging way. How do you do that? Assuming that your problem was you were an alcoholic: “Yeah I’ve stopped drinking. I’ve been clean for a while now. How about you? Everything going well for you?”. Changing the subject quickly shifts the tone from bragging to casual.
SEE ALSO: How To Develop Active Listening Skills: Techniques + Exercises + Practice
Over the next few weeks or however long it takes you can tell a little bit more about your life to your ex. Each conversation has to be kept short and light. Each time the conversation needs to be ended by you. No bringing up the heavy stuff from the past—remember, it’s a dead relationship! Keep all conversations positive. Before you know it, you two will be back together.
In cases where you don’t get back together you can still learn a lot from every relationship. Reflect and learn from your mistakes. People do not exit relationships for no reason. A happy partner will never stray. Don’t play the victim and go into a new relationship thinking you’ve never done anything wrong because you’ll find yourself in the same position as before and start to hate dating in general.
Hopefully you will learn to be patient which is the most important thing in maintaining a long term relationship. If things didn’t go the way you planned, you need to tell yourself this: “Why am I chasing someone who doesn’t want me back? I can’t just force them to be with me”. Keep telling yourself that and within a few months, you’ll be ok. Someone new will come along and appreciate you.
Failure on any of these parts will result in you being a memory to your partner. If you’ve already done it, the chances of you getting back with your ex are greatly lowered but not hopeless.
If you’re reading this after you’ve done some “psycho desperate” stuff like show up to your ex’s house, cry like crazy in front of them, or tried to kill yourself in front of them; chances of you getting back with your ex are slim, but you can still read on to help yourself move on and hopefully learn from the whole experience and not make the same mistake with the next person.
Losing your cool at anytime will count against you.
Feeling the need to CONFRONT them for any reason at this point is forbidden. They are no longer your partner. Confronting them will put you in the position of an authoritative figure like a dad or a police officer. It is a major turn off.
Crying and begging of any kind is a no no.
If your breakup was less than 30 days ago, you have a great shot at getting them back. The more recent the breakup, the better your chances are. There is hope even though it doesn’t seem like it. So please don’t beg, it makes you look weak and foolish.
No grand gestures
We’ve all heard “I can change”. Again, turn off.
