How To Stop Being Needy In Relationships: 10 Helpful Ways

Today you’re going to learn how to how to stop being needy in relationships.

Have you ever been labeled as overly dependent or too attached in a relationship? Do you get overly excited about a new friendship or romantic relationship and end up overwhelming the other person with your attention, only to have them distance themselves from you?

If you find yourself constantly reaching out to someone more than they reach out to you, it’s likely that this behavior is seen as unattractive to others. To learn how to address this issue and build self-assurance, follow the first step provided.

How To Stop Being Needy In Relationships:

1. Take it slow.

Every relationship progresses at its own pace, and there is no need to rush into being close friends or soulmates just because things are going well. Enjoy the freshness and excitement of getting to know someone new, because it will never be the same again.

It can be uncertain how a connection will grow, but it is also thrilling! Be patient and relish in that excitement. Don’t try to force the relationship into a stage it is not ready for, as it will only cause stress and miss out on the fun.

If you had a great time on a Friday night, it may be tempting to immediately make plans to hang out again the next day. Instead, give it a few days and let yourself and your friend appreciate the fun time you had. When you do hang out again, you will both be excited to see each other, making the experience even better.

2. Remove the rose-colored glasses.

Part of the reason people get overly excited in new relationships is because we tend to idealize the other person at the start. When you first meet someone you have a connection with, it’s easy to get caught up in fantasies about how great your friendship or relationship will be.

But, having these fantasies comes with high expectations and sometimes, these expectations are unrealistic. You might think you want to spend all your time with this person, but you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

It’s important to remind yourself that this new person in your life is human, which means they are not perfect. Avoid putting them on a pedestal. They will make mistakes and it’s important to be ready to forgive them, rather than being surprised that they are not perfect.

3. Practice the principle of mutual exchange.

Imagine your interaction with this person is like a game of tennis or volleyball. Each time you initiate contact, you hit the ball to their side of the court. Then, you must wait for them to hit it back. Don’t keep hitting the ball over and over again to make sure they’re still interested in playing. If you’re feeling needy, you may become anxious while waiting for a response.

In such cases, take a deep breath. If you have already contacted them (sent an email, text message or left a voicemail), there is no need to reach out again. Whenever you feel the urge to contact them again, remind yourself that there are only a few possibilities:

  • They haven’t received the message yet.
  • They have been too busy or preoccupied to respond. If you trust this person, then give them the benefit of the doubt and assume this is the case.
  • They are not interested in hanging out at the moment.

4. Avoid being suffocating.

No matter how close you are to someone, spending all your time with them will eventually become overwhelming. Even if the person loves you, they will not want to be with you every moment of the day. If you find it hard to be away from the person for even a short period of time, it is likely to cause issues in the relationship.

As difficult as it may be, make an effort to give the person space. Spend time away from each other, engage in activities you enjoy, and don’t contact them for a while. This will improve your relationship as it is true that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

If you make the person feel confined or responsible for your life, it will push them away.

SEE ALSO: How to Communicate Freely with People: The Definitive Guide

5. Recognize the signs that the other person is no longer interested in you.

It can happen for various reasons, but one thing is certain, showering them with more attention will not change their mind. Being persistent is not the solution. If the person is pulling away, it may be their way of ending the relationship without confronting you.

Any further attempts from you will not change their feelings, and you should be aware of that. If someone is not respectful enough to respond to you, they are not worth your time, you deserve better than that.

Consider if the person is being inconsistent in their behavior. Some people are not good at maintaining friendships or relationships, and they may be forgetful or lazy. However, more often if someone is not responsive, it’s not because they forgot to call you back, but because they have chosen not to.

It’s possible that the other person just needs some time to focus on other things for a while. It doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship.

6. Respect the other person’s decision.

Being ignored or cut off can feel like rejection and it can be painful. But once someone has decided they want to move on, there is nothing you can do to change their mind. Do your best to move on and avoid being pushy. Being aggressive or trying to hurt the other person in return will only cause them to distance themselves further.

7. Assess if your needs are being fulfilled.

If the person you’re thinking about doesn’t clearly reject you but demonstrates inconsistent behavior and seems to be leading you on, consider whether you truly want this person in your life. Just because you want to spend time with your friend or significant other doesn’t make you “needy.”

All relationships require some time and effort to maintain (1). If the person is making you feel like you’re asking for too much, but you know you’re not being excessively needy, then perhaps the issue lies with the other person.

Decide how much time and attention you want to give the relationship and determine how much you expect in return. If your expectations are reasonable but you’re always feeling disappointed or neglected, it may be time to find a new friend or significant other who makes you feel valued and cared for.

Relationships are not easy to balance, it can seem like one person is putting in more effort than the other. It’s normal to have phases where one person is busy and the other is contacting more. However, if this is a constant pattern in your relationship and you don’t think it will change, it’s best to end the relationship before it harms your self-esteem.

8. Keep yourself busy with other activities.

People who are busy with their own interests and goals are less likely to be needy, as they are preoccupied with other things. These other things make them more interesting friends and partners. If you have nothing to do other than waiting for someone to call or write back, you are probably bored and might come across as boring.

So, what are you waiting for? Establish your own goals and desires and learn to enjoy your own company.

Explore new opportunities. Volunteer, take up dancing, running, painting, join a club. Put yourself out there, engage in new activities and have fun! All your worries will disappear and when the person gets in touch it will be a nice surprise, not a source of anxiety.

9. Reach out to other people regularly.

Relying your life on one person is not healthy for your mental well-being or self-esteem. Create a habit of being social, go out and interact with other people. Call other friends in your group instead of pouring all your energy into one person.

Organize a group of friends to go to a movie or dinner and don’t spend the whole time thinking about that one person. Cherish all the other personalities in your life, you have the capacity to maintain more than one friendship.

SEE ALSO: How To Handle Resentment In a Relationship: 10 Steps

10. It’s perfectly normal to be single and still live a fulfilling life.

Many individuals who are single find joy in their freedom and independence, and are just as content as those in relationships. The key is to view having a relationship as a desire rather than a necessity. When thoughts of needing a partner arise, remind yourself that you are strong and self-sufficient.

Repeat positive affirmations like “I am complete on my own” to reinforce the idea that you do not need anyone else to be happy. Additionally, listening to music and watching movies that promote independence and self-empowerment can be beneficial in reinforcing this mindset.

11. Improving your self-worth can be a great way to overcome feelings of neediness.

Often, when people feel needy, it is because they have placed too much importance on another person and have not given themselves enough credit. Instead of relying on someone else to boost your self-esteem, understand that you are the only person who can truly do that. It is okay to find happiness in others, but it should not be the sole source of your happiness.

Doing things alone or being single for a period of time can help you to build confidence in yourself and prove that you don’t need anyone else to be happy. It’s important to not rush into a new relationship until you feel confident and self-assured, to avoid falling into old patterns.

12. Learning to trust others is essential to overcoming feelings of neediness.

When people don’t trust others (2), it can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety. If you find yourself doubting the feelings of a partner or friend, or questioning their loyalty, ask yourself why you don’t trust them. Is it because of something they did, or is it a result of past hurt from someone else?

Remember, it’s not fair to judge one person based on the actions of another. If you care for someone and they have earned your trust, it’s important to give it to them. By working on building trust, you can overcome feelings of neediness and improve your relationships with others.

13. Embrace the advantages of independence.

When you have a strong sense of self and are not overly reliant on others, you become more alluring. Being independent and self-sufficient makes you more attractive to others. When you truly feel independent, you will be able to handle relationships with less anxiety and stress. You will value your alone time just as much as your time with others.

Additionally, you will also find that you will be able to handle rejection or breakups with ease.

14. It’s important to understand that the human mind is naturally inclined to have needs and wants.

When these needs and wants are not met, it can lead to feelings of neediness, boredom, and frustration. One way to combat this is by channeling that energy into activities that you enjoy, such as pursuing hobbies or forming relationships. People who appear to not have these needs and wants may be channeling them in a constructive or creative way, or may have already had those needs fulfilled in another aspect of their life.

For example, someone with a strong group of friends may not appear to be needy in making new friends because that need is already being met. Similarly, someone who is fulfilled in their job may not appear to be needy while at work.

True non-neediness comes from realizing that external factors, such as relationships or hobbies, are temporary and cannot truly fulfill us. True non-neediness comes from internal realization and understanding that true satisfaction comes from within.

It’s important to continue to pursue activities and relationships, but not to seek fulfillment in them. Like an ocean, true non-neediness comes from humility and understanding that true fulfillment cannot be found externally.

It’s normal to feel uncertain, but by understanding and accepting this part of human nature and working towards non-neediness, you can find a sense of peace and contentment in yourself.

Thank you for reading this article about how to stop being needy in relationships and I really hope that you take action my advice.

I wish you good luck and I hope its contents have been a good help to you.

Przemkas Mosky
Przemkas Mosky started Perfect 24 Hours in 2017. He is a Personal Productivity Specialist, blogger and entrepreneur. He also works as a coach assisting people to increase their motivation, social skills or leadership abilities. Read more here