If you want to know how to become a more assertive person, you’ll love this article.
Assertive behaviors – this is an extremely popular subject of self-development, which is asked by employers seeking trainings for employed employees. What is foreign sounding assertiveness?
– Assertiveness is a method of behavior – explains the trainer who offers business training for almost a decade – This attitude results from being in harmony with himself. It is an expression of respect for oneself as a human being.
Assertiveness, according to one of the definitions, is distinguished by the ability to sustain and defend even difficult or controversial opinions in a cultural and ethical manner, with the observance of the right to express opinions by listeners and interlocutors whose views may contradict ours.
Assertive behavior, therefore, is one in which we respect and appreciate ourselves – taking into account personal needs in relationships with other people, as well as the needs of others. We are talking about psychological needs, for example: well-being or open communication. Assertiveness – remains in connection with its stable and satisfying self-esteem.
How To Become a More Assertive Person?
The most important rules of assertive relations that psychologists present at the workshops are:
1. You have the right to maintain your dignity through assertive behavior
Even if it hurts someone else, as long as your intentions are not aggressive but assertive (ie fair and right in intentions).
2. You have the right to use your rights.
If you do not use them, you agree to take them away.
3. In disputable issues, express opinions instead of evaluations
Eg say: in my opinion, I have a different view instead of: you are wrong, you are stupid.
4. When talking about contentious issues, use the so-called Harvard principles in negotiating the agreement
Separate a man from the problem (talk about a specific case instead of criticizing a person); talk about business and not about positions (interests – it’s differently needs, talk about your own needs and the other side).
Assertive moderation of conflicts can be used 4 techniques that can be used equally effectively in parallel as well as independently of one another:
5. Pamela Buttler’s procedure
A multi-stage escalation of pressure when joining another proceeding (when the previous one does not work) to enforce one’s own rights: 1. Tell about a given situation, 2. Announce the consequences ahead, 3. Speak clearly with feelings, for example dissatisfaction, refer to the “back office”, eg refer to the rule in force in the company, law etc. 5. Be punished 6. Make the announcement sanctions.
6. A discolored record
Repeat your opinion at least three times, always with identical words – in response to the pressure of the other side, it is very important to have a strong but gentle repetition of your personal position. Refusing: say no, define what you refuse, give precise justification, use the “peel plate”.
During the criticism you will face expect facts-based conversation about the problem: what exactly was inappropriate ?, … what should have been done …?, Why do you think that it is not worth anything …? Etc.
8. Present Facts, Respond to them, express your Expectations
– Unfortunately, it is worth realizing that an assertive attitude will not be able to learn on a two-day workshop. Changing old habits is often a decade-long project. If I am to be honest, then quite expensive training can be turned into an inexpensive e-learning workshop for several usd. The determination and persistence in the attempt to apply new assertive behavior is disproportionately more important.